The One with Wrestling

In high school I knew zilch about wrestling, yet now, super post high school, I am starting to learn. Last night I attended my first wrestling dual. I always thought it was called a match, but the matches are between individual wrestlers whereas, a dual is between two teams.

The drive to Olathe was a long one. Accident traffic is never fun, especially when you have somewhere to be, and I was anxious to pick up my best friend from high school and head to the dual. Finally, we arrived at the school and laughed our way inside where we looked in a number of windows and peeked behind many doors before finding any wrestlers. We almost just went to watch the band concert instead.

We got many stares from the high school students as we sat in the bleachers to cheer on a team we hardly knew for a sport we knew even less about. In was fun and funny to be sitting in a high school again with my high school best friend recounting our own glory days and rehashing all the ways we did not fit in at our own high school and laughing at how we did not fit in at ONW either.

As the dual went on we got better at figuring out the rules. Or maybe we were just having too much fun and were actually making up our own rules. Either way, wrestling started to make sense to us. And then it was over in an eruption of cheers. It was a fun win and I am glad I got to see it happen.

After a celebratory dinner it was time for me to drive back to Independence, but not before getting pulled over. There are some similarities in the two times I have been pulled over. First time I was sitting at a red light and waiting to turn left, same last night. First time I had just made the turn and the lights came on behind me, same last night. First time I had no idea why I was being pulled over, same last night. First time it was for expired plates, last night was for a malfunctioning headlight. First time, I got a ticket; last night I only got a warning. First time was the exact day that my new insurance card went into effect, same last night. 

What I have learned. Olathe police are nice, Independence police are not. Oh, and wrestling is fun.

The one with the first day of high school

Plinky suggested sharing a mass transit story. In light of students going back to school, I’ll share a story about my first day of high school.

It was the first morning after summer, so of course I was tired. I trekked up the “Killer Hill” to my bus stop. Kyle Arnold and I were the first two there. While we waited for the rest of our bus stop group to arrive, a ‘short bus’ stopped at our corner. Kyle and I looked at each other and without speaking we were able to communicate that neither of was getting on that bus for any reason. A few seconds later the bus rode on without us on it.

By this time, the rest of our bus stop group had arrived and we all silently waited for the bus. The next bus that came along was normal sized and we all got on. I remember it being very full and feeling like the others already seated looked smaller than me. I had to walk all the way to the back before I could find an empty seat. I took it and rode with my backpack in my lap. From my bus stop on we went the opposite direction of the high school, but I did not think much of it at the time. I thought that maybe the bus routes were just different in high school. Over the course of the next 10 minutes we only got nearer to the middle school campus.

It was not until we were actually pulling into a parking space at Bridger, the 8^th grade center, that I believed where we were headed. I ended up back in middle school on the first day of high school. I, along with the rest of my bus stop group, had to ride in the 8^th grade principal’s car to high school. We were late, we were embarrassed, and we tried so hard to forget. It is too good of a story, however, to have forgotten. 

Luckily, I got on the right bus when it was time to go home…

The One with the Locked Locker

Today I spent the day subbing at my former high school which means there was a good deal of reminiscing. I thought about all the embarrassing things that happened in those days: tripping over a speed bump with my saxophone while marching through the parking lot as the band practiced for a parade, showing up to the wrong school on the first day of Freshman year (that particular story can be read here The One with the First Day of High School), and having to get the janitor to cut a lock off my locker. That story is the one I will share now...

My high school best friend and I shared a locker in the Band Room. For whatever reason we did not keep a lock on our shared locker; we did not even have a lock for it. I suppose we felt safe and boring enough to trust that no one would want to steal anything from us. I remember getting to History class one day and soon realizing that I did not have my book. After convincing my teacher to allow me to go fetch it I made my way to the Band Room. When I arrived to my locker I was completely confused. There was a lock on my locker. After looking into the surrounding lockers, they were barred and not steal doors so I could easily peer in, and seeing my things in the locked locker, I concluded that it was indeed my locker. I tugged on the lock thinking that maybe someone was playing a joke and put a fake lock on my locker. Nope. It was not unlocking. 

Feeling totally embarrassed, yet still in need of my History book, I went on a hunt for a janitor. Once I found the janitor it was even more embarrassing trying to explain why I needed the lock cut off. 

"No, I did not forget the combination."

"Yes, it really is my locker."

"Seriously, it has never had a lock on it. Now it does."

"C'mon, I really just need my History book."

"Thank you!"

How I finally convinced the janitor to let me into my own locker I do not remember, but I do remember the embarrassment. And I never did solve the mystery of where the lock came from. 

And now I keep everything locked. 

The One with Showering with Mumford and Sons

Today I spent time with my parents for the first time in several weeks. Together we shared a meal, laughs, and a few tears as we reminisced about my late uncle. 

The last time I saw my uncle before he died was with a few other family members. For this particular outing to Starbucks, our usual meeting spot, one of my aunts had gone deep into the archives and dug out one of their old junior high year books. The way those around the table rolled their eyes and the way their mouths formed into smirks as they all took turns flipping through the year book and reading aloud questionable messages from old loves and classmates will remain etched in my memory. 

For some reason, tonight while I was at my parent’s house, I dug out my senior year high school year book. There was a message scrawled on one of back pages from a girl I was good friends with at the time. She spoke to a truth that, even in my youthful naïveté, defined me then and still defines me now. “You have influenced me to be a better person and I thank you for that. You have the ability to set an example to the world and you’ve already started at Truman.”

Later, in the shower with suds soaking my locks and Mumford and Sons lyrics soaking my soul I was suddenly unable to differentiate between faucet water and tears. I don’t know if it’s the peaceful privacy to sing as loud as I want or the tranquil transparency of thought but the shower seems to be a weirdly consistent place of spiritual solitude. With the year book quote still on my mind I began thinking about the places and people that I have invested my love throughout my life.

“In these bodies we will live, in theses bodies we will die

And where you invest your love, you invest your life”

Where you invest your love, you invest your life. Damn true. I was lucky enough to have an abundance of loving influences in my life when I was young and I learned from them how to invest in life and love from early on. It’s never too early to invest in love. Others can see it clearly when we are confident in our truths and that friend of mine in high school saw mine.

“Let me learn from where I have been

Keep my eyes to serve and my hands to learn”

Let me learn from where I have been. God, the time in quarantine has certainly lent itself to self reflection. I certainly wouldn’t be where I am without all the good, bad, and ugly that I’ve experienced and God, have I learned from where I have been. I’ve been heaps of places with a diverse lot of people and have gained profusely from each. My continued prayer is to keep my eyes to serve and my hands to learn so that I can be the kind of example to the world that others have been to me. 

“I will learn to love the skies I’m under”

Whether I am at Starbucks with an empty seat next to me where my uncle should be, at home for days on end because the pandemic hasn’t ended yet, or in foreign lands eating mussels and frites I will learn to love the skies I’m under. I will be content to know that there are lessons to learn and ways to serve. And I will walk slow, as quarantine has taught me the beauty of slowing down, to more fully love and invest.

“I walk slow

I walk slow

Take my hand help me on my way”

We are better together. Community is important. We each have something to teach and we each have something to learn. May we walk hand in hand with each other along the way and be confident in our truths. 

Here’s to showering with Mumford and Sons and investing in love. 

The One with It's a Wonderful Life

George Bailey became an utterly relatable character to me last night. After a nice dinner, my parents and I found ourselves amongst many other folks in the holiday spirit and settling in for a showing of the beloved classic "It's a Wonderful Life".

George's character had big dreams and high hopes of leaving his hometown behind, seeing the world, and generally being successful. These big dreams and high hopes match my own fairly fantastically. Throughout the film George continually jumps hurdles and overcomes obstacles. The motivation behind the decision to stay and face these things was largely due to the people in his life. Time after time he postponed seeing the world to help and share with those around him. By the end of the film George realized that even though his big dreams and high hopes played out differently than he wanted he was still a success and that his life was wonderful as evidenced by the lives he touched. He is even told by his guardian angel, Clarence, that, "no man is a failure who has friends."

People, be them friends or family, make my world go round. For every big dream or high hope I have for my future, nothing is as beautiful or motivating as those near to my heart. After the credits of the film had rolled I had two experiences with folks near to my heart. First, as I was leaving my seat I spotted a teacher friend of mine from high school. I called out to this man and he happily leapt across the aisle to converse with my parents and me. Through several hugs and numerous stories I felt my heart swell for such an unexpected opportunity to catch up. The second experience was a conversation with my cousin about the power of hope, specifically in a situation involving others that we love and care so much about.

For as scary as some dreams can be and for as often as I am confused about the direction I am headed in life, at least I have friends and a home. Strong, real, adventurous, hilarious, and supportive friends. Even if I never own my own business or never live in Colorado I will not call my life a failure because I have friends. My friends, my family, are what make my life a success.

"Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?" -Clarence, It's a Wonderful Life

The one Inspired by Coldplay, Glee, Midas, and Homecoming Season (and Cory)

When I was much younger I used to picture Heaven as a place of gold. Streets of gold, gates of gold, thrones of gold, shoes of gold, clouds of gold.  I pictured it more as a place that Midas had touched than a place of being eternally in the presence of God.

I used to think of all the things I would see in Heaven, all the lights and all the gold. I rarely thought of all the reuniting that arriving there would bring.  Even with being around my Aunt and both of my Cook Grandparents as they died and listening to their jumbled speech of all those from their pasts that they were seeing again, I rarely thought about what that would look like when it was my turn. I think getting to Heaven is like a homecoming.  And way better than any high school or college homecoming- although there is usually a fair amount of gold and glitter at those.

Moving back home has helped me to paint a picture of what I think getting to Heaven will look like- the homecoming. Before I moved home I felt as though my life had ended and that I was no longer living. I thought the light I was seeing was that of the Hereafter, not those leading me Home.  The adjustment was extremely difficult, but the way the lights guided me and the way my beloveds embraced me and my return gave me hope. They asked my story, wanted to fix and encourage my situation, and listened in a way as to say that time was of no importance.

Although I have no way to know what Heaven actually looks like, this is what I believe getting there looks like. I believe that upon arrival to Heaven we will be greeted by the ones we used to share life with and that tears will stream down our faces. I have always heard, “No tears in Heaven”, but I’m not so sure about that.

I believe that once reunited, we will share what we were worth, what ignited our bones, what we lost and couldn’t replace, the times we loved and it went to waste, the times we got what we wanted but not what we needed, and the things we learned from our mistakes.

Lights will guide us home, whether high up above or down below.

The One with #Birthdays

Today is my grandma's birthday and the day she died. I remember celebrating our birthdays together near the end. It was a sweet way to celebrate my Sweet 16. #OodlesAndGobs

Having now celebrated thirty, THIRTY, birthdays I am thinking back to some of the most memorable ones.

I was young and my parents had gone out one night, leaving me at home with a phone number to reach them in case of emergency only. Not long after they left there was a commercial on TV announcing Celine Dion’s tour dates. When I heard that she would be in Kansas City on my actual birthday (and one day before hers) I freaked out. And I mean that. There were screams. There were tears. There was a phone call to my parents. Although it must have sounded like it was an emergency, it most definitely was not. Once I explained what was going on and that I wanted to go to Celine’s show my mother chastised me for using the emergency number out of context and said that we would talk about Celine at a later time. Fast forward to my birthday. My mom and I were with my best friend and her mom watching Celine pound her chest while singing. It was my first concert and it was amazing. #TeamCeline #MyHeartWillGoOn

In the height of my Jayhawk basketball fandom, my parents agreed to a weekend trip to Lawrence, Kansas where we would check out all things basketball. We had just gotten a new dog and decided to bring him with us, which may have been a decent decision had the air conditioning worked in our hotel room. Alas, the air conditioning did not work; therefore, we kept our door propped open to create air flow. This meant that our dog was on his leash to prevent escaping as he barked at every passerby. #RockChalk

For my fifth grade birthday party I decided just to invite my two best friends. Even though I found out at the party that they did not really like each other it was still one of my favorite birthdays. My parents took us to the Country Club Plaza in Kansas City where we ate at the Cheese Cake Factory and saw a rerelease of Grease at the theater. Once back at home I, along with my guests, were all gifted a Nano Baby (a digital baby). I am fairly certain that we spent the remainder of the party tending to our babies. #GreaseIsTheWord

When I turned 18 I was lucky enough to be in France. I was on an exchange trip with my high school and on my birthday we were in Normandy. “The Normandy American Cemetery is one of fourteen permanent American World War II military cemeteries constructed on foreign soil by the American Battle Monuments Commission.”** It was a rainy day and our group was rushed, so I am especially anxious to revisit this site in a few short weeks and spend more time experiencing this part of history. #ViveLaFrance #BonAnniversaire

For my 21st birthday I hopped on a plane and flew to Texas to visit my best friend who was going to school at Baylor. I had visions of enjoying a nice glass of wine with my birthday dinner, but upon being seated at a recommended Italian restaurant we learned that we had come to a BYOB establishment... empty handed. We stayed. We ate. We laughed at our misfortune. Even once we were in a place that served and sold alcohol it was a game of hard to get. My best friend was not yet 21, so no one wanted to encourage any illegal activity at our table. We stayed. We laughed. And I (eventually) drank. A margarita. Finally. #BYOB

A few years ago I was finally able to convince my parents to take a trip to Colorado to visit friends that they had not seen in years. This became my birthday trip and it was on this trip that I was reconnected with some friends from childhood, and am now happily dating one of them.  Along with reconnecting with some awesome people, I was also the designated driver the entire weekend. Although fun, I did get my parents back and made them the designated drivers for my birthday trip to Colorado last year when we stayed at the Stanley Hotel. #DesignatedDriver

Last year, for my Golden Birthday, I went to Estes Park, Colorado with my parents and my boyfriend. We stayed at the Stanley Hotel where we experienced some ghosties, knocked back some drinks at the bar, and made new friends while drinking “tastables” in the third floor hallway. Read about that birthday here. #TheShining #Haunted

I have said it before and I will say it again, I love birthdays! Even now that I am thirty I still love birthdays. I am very thankful to every single person who has ever helped me celebrate a birthday and I look forward to what future celebrations I will reminisce on when I am sixty and can only hope to have as much love around me on my last birthday as my grandma did on hers.

** American Battle Monuments Commission online information

The One with #BeRoyal

Everything about work is hard. Deciding to leave a job is hard. Leaving is hard. Looking and applying is hard. Interviewing is hard. Being rejected is hard. Getting a new job and starting new routines is hard. It is especially hard to find an acceptable balance between what you are willing and able to sacrifice for a new job and what the true non-negotiable stuff is. Who needs two consecutive days off anyway?

I have, for the better part of my life, lived my life for others. That meant putting others goals and expectations on myself rather than making my own. From birth through high school that looked like getting good grades and keeping out of trouble to make my parents proud. In college that meant finding a man to marry and making his dreams my dreams. After my divorce life was a little different. It wasn't so much about living as it was about simply surviving. Now that I am examining what it looks like to make my life my own I am overwhelmed and confused most of the time. Now that I have time for myself I want to be free to chase the dreams I have for myself.

Dreams do not often come true overnight, I realize this, but when it comes to the things I want I am generally impatient. Much like the 29 years that the Royals waited to make it back to the World Series I too will have to wait to make a move to Colorado. Only I hope it does not take that long.

For now, I am doing my best to adjust to a new job and the idea of staying in Kansas City for a while longer. Let’s be real though, what a fun time this is to be in Kansas City!

#BeRoyal #Baseball

The One with November 2022

“Every meal should be a sacrament.”

- Louisa May Alcott, Transcendental Wild Oats

There were many closed mouth smiles (and popsicles) in November. This was to keep my mouth stitches in place and to stay as pain-free as possible after I had a gum graft done. Whew, that was painful and in March I find out just how (hopefully) successful it was. I’ll spare you the photo of the actual stitches.

Speaking of pain- I also got my nose pierced in November. My employer’s dress code policy was updated and soon after a teammate and I went together to get our noses pierced. It has been an adjustment and in a few months another adjustment will come when I switch to a hoop.

One of my favorite local breweries, Cinder Block Brewery, hosted a Cider Fest. Of the 6 ciders in the flight I enjoyed 5 of them, so I call that a win. Plus the company was fun.

I had the opportunity to go to my goddaughter’s choir concert and it was awesome! The high school choir came to perform and to show what is possible in the future. It was a fun night being a godmother.

The pups provided lots of laughs and comfort over the last month.

The pups loved having our Colorado family in town for Thanksgiving. And so did we!

We kicked off Thanksgiving break with a fire night, complete with pup cuddles and eggnog dip.

My Best Favorite and I hosted our parents on Thanksgiving and after lunch had a throwing knives competition. It wouldn’t be a holiday without games around here.

While our Colorado family was here we took them to do many fun and festive things.

Holiday Reflections at Union Station…

Plaza Lighting Ceremony on the Country Club Plaza (my most favorite Thanksgiving tradition)…

A meal at Joe’s BBQ…

And a private tour of the J. Rieger & Co. Distillery, thanks to a friend who works there.

Thanksgiving was a wonderful break and now it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

With one month left in the year here are my book related tallies.

Books Read for the year: 53

Bookstores Visited for the year: 20

Whether it’s BBQ, a Thanksgiving feast, or a pizza on a Tuesday night, may every meal be a sacrament. Here’s to family and food.

The one with Del Mar, Day 1

I woke up to drilling, hammering, shattering, and cursing. At least I was prepared. It was a fun way to start the morning; listening to grown men talk like high school hooligans.

I eventually decided to get out of bed. I showered, ate a hearty breakfast of shredded wheat, and headed out towards the beach. Luckily, Mark drew up a little map for me, so I had no problems making the short walk there. It was beautiful; just like I knew it would be. I will never grow old of the beauty of the sea, the sand, the smell, the waves, the shells, the sounds, the peace. I walked around for a bit taking it all in: watching people and imagining their stories, taking pictures, readings, and contemplating. I could have sat on my bench all day reading and watching, but I grew chilly and my toes were starting to itch from the sand.

Walking home was a bit more wearisome. Between the sand in my shoes, the hills, and the hunger ache in my belly the walk seemed to take forever. I totally did not mind because I was away from home, taking my first real adventure by myself, and the scenery was outrageous.

Upon returning back to the house, I heated my leftovers from the previous night, walnut and butternut squash ravioli. I would say I ate in peace, however, the drilling, hammering, shattering, and cursing was still going on. So instead, I played a game with myself and tried to hear my own thoughts. I’m not sure if I won or not.

After lunch, I was completely full and worn out, so I lay down. I watched Scrubs for a bit and somehow managed to fall asleep. I napped for a relatively long while despite all the commotion around me. When I woke up, Mark was back so we chatted and waited for Emily to come home.

Today is Larry dog’s 7^th birthday, so we had to keep the tradition going and take him to the pet bakery for some treats. He gobbled down a ‘hamburger’ and a beef flavored cupcake. He also ate his dinner when we got back to the house. Since the dogs had eaten, we decided that it was our turn.

We had Thai food that was, of course, super delicious. During dinner we shared an array of humorous family memories: silly Thanksgivings, Christmas plays, camping fiascos, and other fun adventures. After dinner it was decided that we next needed frozen yogurt. So, off we went. The place we went actually had whoppers for my frozen yogurt and I was beside myself. Just at dinner we were talking about a frozen yogurt place in Blue Springs that we used to frequent; I always got whoppers in my ice cream there and have yet since found a place with whoppers. Needless to say, I got whoppers (and kit kat, too).

There were no good movie times left at the theater, so we came back to the house. We took a few pictures before putting our jammies on. We chose a movie to watch, I feel asleep as always, and at some point we all decided it was time for bed. When the dogs came inside to go to their beds we all realized that it STANK. 

Turns out Remy had been skunk’d. He reeked and was foaming and drooling like crazy. Mark ran around the backyard with a flashlight looking for clues while Emily got the skunk kit. While looking for the skunk kit she saw a mouse run across the garage (thank you, remodel). Apparently skunks have been spotted in the neighborhood before and that’s why there was a skunk kit in place. We ended up bating both dogs in a cleaning solution and plan to call the vet in the morning just to make sure that there are no other steps necessary to eradicate the skunk from the boys.

After showering off, myself, I believe that now everyone is in bed.  Here’s hoping that tomorrow brings more adventures, just maybe not as stressful ones.

The one with choosing to be happy

Tonight was spent much the same as it was 11 years ago. 11 years ago tonight I was sitting in the front yard with my parents, watching the fireworks, playing with the dogs, and reflecting on how much my grandpa’s death earlier that day would begin to affect our lives. Tonight, I sat in the front yard with my parents, watched the fireworks, played with different dogs (they had a picnic), and reflected on past men in my life.

It’s interesting how different situations can affect people in such similar ways. Death and divorce both leave a sense of loneliness and loss. I have always thought that happiness was a choice, but it was not until the last few weeks that I have really started to believe it. I see destruction, death, loneliness, fear, sadness, anxiety, and stress all around me. I have felt such an array of emotions in the last three months and am starting to realize that although I often feel alone, I am not. I find ways to choose to be happy. I am also starting to recognize that even some of the happiest people I know deal with destruction, death, loneliness, fear, sadness, anxiety, and stress. There is always a choice to be happy.

Even though I have moments that I choose to be sad and trudge through grief and moments I choose to be livid and work through more grief I am starting to find myself choosing to make and enjoy happy times more and more often.

Today, before the firework viewing in the front yard, my dad and I went to the New Theater Restaurant. The show was ‘Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat’. The lunch was as to be expected, yummy. I ate ocean perch, mashed potatoes, rolls, green beans, and chicken. I also enjoyed a fancy rum and coke and crème brulee for dessert. The unfortunate thing about the rum and coke was that I was up late the night before with my friend Amanda, so I was unusually sleepy after the rum set in.

Who doesn’t love the movie ‘Sister Act’? I know that, as ridiculous as it may be, Amanda and I like to watch it and did so last night. We also love to chat early into the morning and talk of all the books we want to read together, the meanings we’ve found so far in life, and of all the silly things we remember from high school.

Yesterday, before the movie watching, I met up with my friend Kara. We caught up on what has been happing in Springfield, what has been happening in Independence, and what might be happening in the future. Talking with her was the catalyst for my being aware of happiness being a choice and for that I choose to happy.

Friday my mom and I spent the day at Powell Gardens and ate lunch at the Thyme Cafe. It was hot. It was sticky. We sweat. We walked, a lot. We broke down and we rode the trolley. The gardens were beautiful and I remembered how much I enjoyed working at the gardens a few summer’s ago. It’s a peaceful place and it was nice to share it with my mom.

In choosing to be happy, I see a happy face in the above photo: flower on top right

I am so happy to have such an assortment of people around to share life with. I am remembering how fun it is to go out, stay up late, and have good friends and family around. I had a good weekend and am excited to extent it through tomorrow and spend time on the water with my cousin Justin, his wife Katie, and the ever adorable Adeline.

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)

There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)

And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die

A time to plant, a time to reap

A time to kill, a time to heal

A time to laugh, a time to weep

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)

There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)

And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down

A time to dance, a time to mourn

A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)

There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)

And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time of love, a time of hate

A time of war, a time of peace

A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)

There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)

And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose

A time to rend, a time to sew

A time for love, a time for hate

A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

- The Byrds, or as listened to today, Dolly Parton

The One With Graduation and Fate

For the last number of weeks my younger cousin has been tweeting and status updating about prom, the last day of school, baccalaureate, and graduation. I have been unable to stop reminiscing about that time in my own life.

Listening to all the graduation speeches made me ponder what I would say if I were asked to give a graduation address. The ideas expressed would, in some way, resemble this.

The following was a quote used in one of the speeches-

"I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul." (William Ernest Henley). I can get on board with the second half of that quote. Fate is bigger than I am so I want to refrain from saying that I am master of my own, but I can guide the decisions that lead to my fate. Much as a captain guides his ship to shore. The wind and waves may push me to and fro, high and low, near and far but the responsibility of guiding my decisions remains mine. I will, therefore, assemble all my loved ones onto the ship with me and steer myself to a life of loving, laughing, and learning.

Living for something/ someone bigger than yourself creates a sense of belonging, fulfillment, and purpose. That something bigger can be God, family, job, a worthy cause, and maybe even fate. Living for fate seems ridiculous, but in some way it is merely another way of saying, "chase your dreams".

Today, as I remember the liberating feeling of the small rebellious act of tossing my graduation cap after the tassel switched sides and the school song resounded throughout the auditorium, I say to those just knowing the feeling of liberation for the first time to keep your loved ones on board and always steer your ship towards love and eventually fate will show its face just after the horizon.

Congrats class of 2013!

Seclusion Series: The One with Covid Reads Part 2

This round of reads is all authors that I have previously read. 

The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah

"A thing can be true and not the truth."

At the start of quarantine I read Kristin Hannah for the first time. Luckily I purchased two of her books at once because I was ready for more after the first one. This book was hearty and rich both in character and in story. I give it two thumbs up and highly recommend if you like stories about the resilience and power of love and the danger and beauty of the Alaskan wilderness.

Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs by Caitlin Doughty

"I'm not personally religious, but I am 100 percent game for centaur Jesus riding a chariot coming to pick me up for my descent into death."

Last year I read the same Caitlin Doughty book for more than one book club and it changed my life in many ways. I went back to her work for more insight and information and was not disappointed. I learned and laughed and for me that is a winning combination. 

The Position by Meg Wolitzer

"The truth was that if you paid attention to it, the sound of childhood ending was a terrible thing. If you were one of those supernaturally gifted people that could actually hear it, you would know that it was similar to glass shattering, or a body falling and hitting a surface, expecting that surface to be the accommodating body of a mother or father who would break the fall, but finding, instead, only the hard, hot sidewalk of the rest of life."

A few years ago I read Meg Wolitzer for the first time and did not love the story or the writing. I tend to give people too many second chances and decided to do the same with this author. Again, I did not love my time with this book. I was at least able to get some good quotes from it.

Dark Places by Gillian Flynn

" Worries find you easily enough without inviting them."

A Kansas City native, Gillian Flynn, will always attract my attention. Last summer on a road trip to Utah I read her work for the first time. This summer I decided to keep with the tradition and read Dark Places on a road trip to Colorado. Between the thrilling twists and familiar settings I was totally engrossed in this story and would recommend it to any fan of this genre, Kansas City native or not.

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

"Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape."

A Grief Observed was declared a read for family book club and fittingly, I did not get around to reading it until shortly after my uncle passed away. Although it took me awhile to find my groove in reading it, whether from dealing with my own grief or from struggling to keep pace with the author's thoughts, I finally found myself pausing to reflect and reread. It ended up taking me awhile to get through this book simply because I reread so many passages and wrote them down. (Yes, I have a journal of quotes.) I am anxiously excited to for book club discussion. 

In the Lake of the Woods by Tim O'Brien

"There is always the threat of tomorrow's treachery, or next year's treachery, or the treachery implicit in all the tomorrows beyond that."

In High School I read The Things They Carried by this author and loved the story. I loved the story for what it was. I loved the story because I have a personal connection, via my uncle, to similar stories. I loved the story because of the writing. I have reread The Things They Carried multiple times throughout the years and have recommended it even more times than I have reread it. For a number of years, In the Lake of the Woods sat on my shelf and I finally decided to give it a read. I was disappointed. The general story was interesting, but the details bored me and confused me. And in the end I was left feeling little resolution. I need more resolution so this is not a book I recommend.

The Shadows by Alex North

"Perhaps life was just a matter of doing what you thought was best at the time and then living with the consequences as best you could afterward."

Earlier this year I read The Whisper Man by this author and was thrilled to be engrossed in a thriller again. Thanks to my cousin for the recommendation. The company I work for received a grant this summer advocating for staff self-care and each staff member was given an allotted amount of money to spend however they deemed fit to their self-care needs (with the exception of gambling and booze). I toiled and toiled, and I mean toiled, over what to use my funds on. I made lists and then ranked what was on the list. Finally, I decided to use the money for its intended purpose and treat myself to something that I otherwise was not likely to splurge on. So, I subscribed to Book of the Month. My first delivery was The Shadows. In just under two days I finished this story about lucid dreams, murder, nostalgia, home-coming, and the shadowy woods. I liked the story as a stand-alone, but I also liked that it was in some ways a continuation from The Whisper Man. This books gets all the recommendations from me if you are into this genre.

The Music Shop by Rachel Joyce

"Sometimes all that people needed was to know they were not alone. Other times it was more a question of keeping them in touch with their feelings until they wore them out- people clung to what was familiar, even when it was painful."

Having forgotten to take a book on an unexpected outing to play disc golf on a trip to Colorado I made a pleasant demand to first make a pit stop at a book store. I needed a book because I knew I was not going to be chucking discs for any amount of time. Once there I perused the shelves for titles on my To-Read List. The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry, recommended by a friend, was the one to jump out at me at that day. I loved Harold's journey and ended up also reading The Love Song of Miss Queenie Hennessy which was the same story told from a different character's point of view. I loved Miss Queenie's side of the story too. Wanting to read a different story by this author I was excited to find The Music Shop at a book sale for cheap. This book was cute and heartfelt. Although it was not a page-turner and had an abrupt ending, it was decent.

Matilda by Roald Dahl

"So Matilda's strong young mind continued to grow, nurtured by the voices of all those authors who had sent their books out into the world like ships on the sea. These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message: You are not alone."

Classic author. Classic story. My goddaughter mentioned reading it and I said that I would read it, again, too! What I was not expecting was for that to morph into a full fledged Roald Dahl book club. My goddaughter decided where to read to for each discussion and then made a list of all the other Roald Dahl books to read. Rereading Matilda made me realize how much of the story I had forgotten and reignited my love for young literature! I am wholeheartedly looking forward to more book clubbing with my goddaughter and seeing her get excited about reading and growing in her independence. 

Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami 

"Life's no piece of cake, mind you, but the recipe's my own to fool with."

"Open your eyes, train your ears, use your head. If a mind you have, then use it while you can."

A friend from college was the first to introduce me to Murakami. I read Kafka on the Shore and knew that my Murakami days were only just beginning. I have read several of his books and have come to expect music, baseball, sex, and bizarre phenomena at every turn.  And I love it. I received Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World for Christmas a couple of years ago and it took until now to read it. Although it included all the things I have come to love and expect from Murakami it took me awhile to fully engage with the story. It took me until close to the end, POTENTIAL SPOILER HERE, when these two versions of the same story started to converge that I was fully engaged. In the end, like all other Murakami I have read, I liked it. It was an interesting story of trying to outguess the future, using your mind, and living with the consequences.

Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

"As a matter of simple logic, there's so difference at all, that I can see- between the man who's greedy for material treasure- or even intellectual treasure- and the man who's greedy for spiritual treasure."

The Catcher in the Rye was never assigned reading in school and I somehow managed to not read it until last year. The story stayed with me, however, I did not love reading it. Much like Meg Wolitzer, I decided to give J.D. Salinger a second chance. Franny and Zooey was already on my self, so it was an easy choice of what other work of his to read. Right from the start I was fascinated with Franny and read late into the night to learn what was going on with her. Interestingly, the basis of this story is a book I read with a friend  when we were in campus ministry together, so that gave it an added peak of my attention. I was pleasantly surprised by this story and was stunned by how much I liked the ending. Endings are difficult for me and very rarely do I approve of one, much less like one. This story of revelation, self-revelation and spiritual-revelation, was completely unexpected. It offered a lot of room for self-reflection of my own spiritual journey. Franny was given something of an "Intervention" and I greatly appreciated the love behind making that happen. Here's to the Franny's out there figuring it out.

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson

“Was it worse to be homesick for a time that was once home,  it now lived only in your mind... or to be homesick for a place that never really existed at all?”

A couple of years ago, after several people  recommended Furiously Happy, I read Jenny Lawson for the first time. I laughed aloud and annoyingly read aloud many passages to anyone who was nearby. I’ve had Let’s Pretend a This Never Happened on my shelf for months and was happy about revisiting Jenny’s work. This book was written before Furiously Happy, and although I enjoyed it slightly less,  I still laughed aloud and read aloud/texted many passages from the book to those I thought might relate. Reading her work is humors in a way that is reassuring that we are not alone in our crazy. 

Here’s to more good reads.