The One with It's a Wonderful Life

George Bailey became an utterly relatable character to me last night. After a nice dinner, my parents and I found ourselves amongst many other folks in the holiday spirit and settling in for a showing of the beloved classic "It's a Wonderful Life".

George's character had big dreams and high hopes of leaving his hometown behind, seeing the world, and generally being successful. These big dreams and high hopes match my own fairly fantastically. Throughout the film George continually jumps hurdles and overcomes obstacles. The motivation behind the decision to stay and face these things was largely due to the people in his life. Time after time he postponed seeing the world to help and share with those around him. By the end of the film George realized that even though his big dreams and high hopes played out differently than he wanted he was still a success and that his life was wonderful as evidenced by the lives he touched. He is even told by his guardian angel, Clarence, that, "no man is a failure who has friends."

People, be them friends or family, make my world go round. For every big dream or high hope I have for my future, nothing is as beautiful or motivating as those near to my heart. After the credits of the film had rolled I had two experiences with folks near to my heart. First, as I was leaving my seat I spotted a teacher friend of mine from high school. I called out to this man and he happily leapt across the aisle to converse with my parents and me. Through several hugs and numerous stories I felt my heart swell for such an unexpected opportunity to catch up. The second experience was a conversation with my cousin about the power of hope, specifically in a situation involving others that we love and care so much about.

For as scary as some dreams can be and for as often as I am confused about the direction I am headed in life, at least I have friends and a home. Strong, real, adventurous, hilarious, and supportive friends. Even if I never own my own business or never live in Colorado I will not call my life a failure because I have friends. My friends, my family, are what make my life a success.

"Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?" -Clarence, It's a Wonderful Life

The One with NYC Friendsgiving Thankfuls

For as long as I can remember, or maybe for as long as I have been watching the show F-R-I-E-N-D-S, I have wanted to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with my friends. Not that I do not love my family and enjoy our Thanksgiving traditions, truth be told some of them are actually my favorites; I have just always wanted to spend the holiday a little differently. That said, I have also always wanted to go to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade in New York City.

This year all of that happened. Friendsgiving day started early so we could get a spot on the street to watch the parade. For as exhausted and chilled as I was I could not have been happier to see the giant balloons and floats pass by as I was standing with my friends.

 Snowflakes were tumbling down after the parade as we made our way from attraction to attraction… Staten Island, The Statue of Liberty, 9/11 Memorial, Wall Street, etc.

The 9/11 Memorial was incredible. It is beautiful, moving, and humbling. Being there, especially on Thanksgiving, made for some very thankful reflections. In those moments standing there listening to the waterfalls, reading the names inscribed on the monuments, learning about the Survivor Tree, and remembering that day in history I was thankful to be with my friends and to live in a nation of resilience, survival, and rebirth. 

Walking home from the memorial and passing so many people sitting and shivering on the sidewalks I became thankful for the things I often take for granted- life’s necessities. Knowing that I would be making and sharing food later that night with friends old and new then made me thankful for having the means to celebrate and to make new memories. 

Friendsgiving 2014 was awesome and definitely blew that one Thanksgiving that I had swine flu out of the water. Friendsgiving 2014 was special and I hope to celebrate more Friendsgivings in the years to come and to make more mashed potatoes on the floor.

The One with #BeRoyal

Everything about work is hard. Deciding to leave a job is hard. Leaving is hard. Looking and applying is hard. Interviewing is hard. Being rejected is hard. Getting a new job and starting new routines is hard. It is especially hard to find an acceptable balance between what you are willing and able to sacrifice for a new job and what the true non-negotiable stuff is. Who needs two consecutive days off anyway?

I have, for the better part of my life, lived my life for others. That meant putting others goals and expectations on myself rather than making my own. From birth through high school that looked like getting good grades and keeping out of trouble to make my parents proud. In college that meant finding a man to marry and making his dreams my dreams. After my divorce life was a little different. It wasn't so much about living as it was about simply surviving. Now that I am examining what it looks like to make my life my own I am overwhelmed and confused most of the time. Now that I have time for myself I want to be free to chase the dreams I have for myself.

Dreams do not often come true overnight, I realize this, but when it comes to the things I want I am generally impatient. Much like the 29 years that the Royals waited to make it back to the World Series I too will have to wait to make a move to Colorado. Only I hope it does not take that long.

For now, I am doing my best to adjust to a new job and the idea of staying in Kansas City for a while longer. Let’s be real though, what a fun time this is to be in Kansas City!

#BeRoyal #Baseball

The One with the Wall

Today is beautiful. The sun is shining and the words are encouraging. I am reminded today of what it means to carry each other's burdens. What it means to listen. What it means to be honest. What it means to uplift. And what it means to accept uncertainties, truth, and encouragement. My huddle of encouragers has been impecciblably timed and a complete godsend. 

I have been unusually bummed recently with the misfortune of innumerable career rejections and the feeling of stagnation in my current chapter of life. Being single is great and a choice I am making, but when most others around me have a different way of life and I do not have a desire to adapt to the same dreams, I find myself asking, "isn't there more to life?" Typically I pride myself on looking for the positives and holding fast to the positives in situations. Lately, however, staying positive has simply left me exhausted. A dear friend recently reminded me that it is natural and ok, even good and healthy, to allow myself to experience these feelings, to work through them, and to learn from them. I need to allow myself this time to feel these things and trust that the encouraging words from irreplaceable friends and family will eventually carry me through.

Often I find it easier to be positive about other people's burdens than it is to be about my own. There is something to be said about being trusted and invited to trudge alongside someone's struggles, however, I tend to want to trudge through mine alone. I am reluctant to accept help and often even simple encouragement. If I cannot accept this from others I cannot be expcected to accept this from myself. This must change. I want to believe and trust enough to feel real things, to encourage myself and others, and to see the beauty in every day. Because even in the shitty days, there is still beauty to be seen, no matter how deeply buried.

The wall I put up and call independence makes accepting encouragement a challenge that I need not add to the load I already carry. I am working hard to find a balance between being independent and positive and simply having a wall of impenetrable vulnerability.

My go-to song at the moment

The One with Japan... A Year Late

Somehow I've let an entire year pass without posting about a wonderful vacation to Japan where I visited a fun and favorite friend. This time last year I was in...

Tokyo...

First trip to Disneyland: rides, popcorn buckets, ice cream, sunburn, Captain EO, and princesses.

 

Rickshaw ride in a typhoon: this guy was beastly impressive.

Delicious foods: I picked up on using chop sticks very quickly with a hunger in my belly.

Astounding scenery: everything was so colorful and busy even in the rain. The typhoon was the loudest thing I've ever heard and the people were the quietest I've ever heard. 

Hostel life: not pictured is our Finnish male roommate who was always in his underpants, worked as a mailman, and regaled us with the legend of Santa Claus. 

Sendai...

Thrift store shopping: Fuxing sexy

Delicious foods: sushi and donuts.

Precious kiddos: Ms. Mallory's class at MeySen Academy.

Random times: arcade games and Big Buddha. Not pictured: karaoke, daily consumption of rice balls, and me buying out the supply of milk tea from the dollar store.

The One with Paying it Forward

The idea of "paying it forward" is by no means a new concept. Story after story has been shared lately about someone paying for the drink of the person behind them in line at Starbucks. I had my first "pay it forward" experience recently at a local grocery store. As I was walking to grab a cart, quarter in hand, a nice gentlemen hollered out to me and gifted me his cart with no expectation of getting his quarter back in return. I sincerely thanked him and began my shopping. After my shopping was complete, I noticed two gals were walking into the store as I was walking out, so to continue the forward motion of this current "pay it forward" act I offered them my cart. They sincerely thanked me, just as I had thanked the man I got it from, and they offered to help me carry my goods to my car.

With all the strife and heartache in the world, most currently and close to home is the battle in Ferguson, it is these small acts of kindness that give me hope. People really are capable of good. I will take kindness, no matter how small the dose, to challenge myself to be optimistic and forgiving of people as a whole.

The One with North Carolina

     A number of months ago I booked a plane ticket to North Carolina where I planned to see a Nickel Creek show with some good friends. Last week when I hopped on the plane to embark on said trip I opened the book The Giver and ended up getting to the last page as my plane landed in Raleigh. It was a fun reread before seeing the movie adaptation a couple of days later. 

     Catching up with my friends was wonderful and relaxing. Day one was filled with cuban sandwiches for lunch, naps, and the Nickel Creek/Josh Ritter concert at Koka Booth Amphitheater in Cary. Both Josh Ritter and Nickel Creek were phenomenal. Nickel Creek performed every song that I had hoped for... and then some. You had better believe that I clapped and sang along to my heart's content. We were all definitely on a massive bluegrass high for a good 24 hours after the show had ended. I immediately regretted not also purchasing tickets to Nickel Creek's show in Kansas City. 

     Day two consisted of spending part of the day on the Lanier Homestead/ "the farm". We shucked corn, ate peaches and ice cream along with an array of other tasty foods, went on a trek through the woods, stopped to pet the animals, and spent a fair amount of time talking about farming and farm life. I learned a lot and I cannot wait until I can grow colored cauliflower in my own garden someday.

     The third, and final, day was all about the beach. We all woke up early, some of us earlier than others, eh hum... I was just so excited that I had to set my alarm to make sure I did't miss waking up for the beach! With the car packed and ready we all piled in, even the dog, and settled in for the two hour drive to Surf City. Even after arriving in Surf City the beach was hidden behind the dunes and the ladies in the car were getting a little anxious to see the water. With the car parked we got out to stretch and gather our gear. We made our way to the beach where we first walked along the water's edge and I picked up a few shells. Eventually we claimed a spot and took turns swimming in the salty ocean, walking, resting in the sand, chatting, snacking, and applying sunscreen. The beach is my sanctuary, my Heaven on Earth. The crashing of the waves creates a deafening silence that comforts my soul. Being in the company of such adored friends in such a sacred place made for a wonderful day, even if I did gain a sunburn and eat hotdogs for lunch instead of seafood. 

      All in all, the trip was short but great. The idea of making this an annual gig thrills me and I am excited to venture back and make more fun memories. Thanks y'all!

The One with the Book List: The Magicians

   After fighting against the Harry Potter bandwagon for many years, I gave in and read the series a couple of years ago. As if a spell had been cast, I was then a fan. I was nervous and excited to see a book paired with J.K. Rowling's series and did not immediately add it to my "to read" list. It wasn't until I was ordering a different book online that The Magicians was suggested to me at checkout and I lost self control and added it to my cart for checkout. 

   It took me awhile to read this book. One reason was that I did not  identify with or fall in love with any of the characters.  I also was not entranced with the story or the writing style. Another reason was that I took an extended vacation during this time and did not often find myself wanting to spend my precious days away with my nose in a book when I can just as easily do that at home. 

   The Magicians was a fine read although I doubt I will finish the series. 

The One With the Pilgrimage: Colorado

Passing the "Colorful Colorado" state marker was a very gratifying sensation. I felt very accomplished in seeing that pass by my window.

Arriving in Colorado I had no real plan. I had no idea how long I would stay, I had no idea where I would go when I left, I had no idea of all the fun that was to be had. All I had was a list of people to see and a camera with which to take pictures of disc golfers. While on the subject, here are some of said photos...

I got into a pretty comfortable routine while away: wake up, eat a tiny breakfast, watch some of The Walking Dead marathon or History Channel, take a nap, get up for the day, drink beer somewhere, do something outdoors, and laugh with awesome people.

I laughed so much one night that my face ached terribly from all the smiling and my belly felt like it had been through a massive work out.

As far as working out goes, I did hike a mountain in Boulder. That experience is now one of my biggest accomplishments thanks to the best hiking buddy around. I stopped many times both to rest my wobbly and weak legs and to gaze at the awesome views. By the time I reached the top I was told that I had major bragging rights, so that is exactly what I am doing. I hiked all the way up a mountain. At the top was a picnic lunch and time for listening to the silence while preparing for the descent.

Even before the hike in Boulder my legs were wobbly and weak from trekking up the stairs at the Red Rocks Amphitheater for a showing of Catching Fire. A friend had agreed to meet me there but she had our tickets, so I planned to putz around and explore while I waited. There were so many thousands of people, however, that I became slightly overstimulated and decided to sit on a rock and wait there instead. After a fair amount of time waiting on the rock a very kind lady generously offered me an extra ticket to get in which I anxiously accepted free of charge. I cut in line with a Colorado native and began the slow walk up. 

Once in the amphitheater I decided to get popcorn and M&Ms for the movie and walk even further to the very top to watch the sun set before showtime. Seeing the sun and the moon both amongst the rocks was so cool. Watching the sun roll away gave me time to catch my breath before claiming seats. Although I had seen Catching Fire before, it seemed like an entirely different movie watching from such a different perspective and in the company of funny friends.

Other fun happenings while in Colorado: petting a horseshoe crab, playing games such as Scrabble and Shuffleboard, Fourth of July fireworks, mountain drives, watching kickball at City Park, listening to stories from my parents' glory days, and making new friends while catching up with old ones usually at a table with food and beer.

"We all need a place to feel free. The silence you can hear. The space between each heartbeat. A place to feel free." -Bearfoot