The One with Miss Queenie

“You don’t get to a place by constantly moving, even if your journey is only one of sitting still and waiting. Every once in a while you have to stop in your tracks and admire the view, a small cloud and a tree outside your window. You have to see what you did not see before. And then you have to sleep.”

 – Rachel Joyce, The Love Song of Miss Queenie Hennessy

Many times in the last weeks I have been stopped in my tracks and have been forced to take advantage of my situation and admire the view. Even in the midst of these incidents I have somehow managed to be thankful for the forced pause.  

One particular incident happened a few weeks ago. With the help of my best favorite, I loaded up handmade sangria and handmade corn hole boards into my backseat. With one pup in the back with the handmade goods, one pup on my lap, and my best favorite at the wheel we backed out of the driveway. Driving slowly so as not to shift any of the precious cargo or spill the sangria we crept out of the neighborhood. Once on one of main streets we picked up the pace some and not long after we did we heard a noise that sounded like a piece of the car detaching itself from underneath. Soon we were on the highway and with no hiccups to the maneuverability of the car we thought no more of the previous mentioned sound.

Fast forward to the pups being dropped off at Grandma and Grandpa’s house and preparing to leave for a wedding for which the sangria and corn hole boards were made. I looked for my phone in the car and realized it was not there. Frantically, I decided to drive back home to look for it. Again, driving slowly because the sangria is still in my car, I made the trip back home. I ran inside and looked in my usual places for my phone and after not finding it decided that I did not have time to be paranoid and look for it because I did not want to be late for the wedding. Hastily, I jumped back in the car and it was as I backed out of the driveway that my stomach sunk as I remembered the strange sound we heard as we picked up speed on the main road about a half an hour prior. At that moment I knew that my phone was, in fact, not in my possession.

As I retraced the route out of the neighborhood I tried to remember the exact location that we heard the noise. I drove slowly once on the main road and looked back and forth scouting for something that looked familiar. I was approaching a point where I thought I had most certainly gone too far past finding my phone when suddenly there was a colorful E.T. phone case staring up at me.

With no shoulder, I pulled as far to the side of the road as I could, pushed my flashers on, waited for traffic to pass, opened my door, and started running. Mind you I do not ever run, for anything. Yet there I was dressed ready for a wedding and running down the middle of a busy street with my curls flapping in their ponytail. Full of adrenaline but out of breath I reached down for my phone and suddenly had all the peace of mind I could have hoped for considering the situation. Although I would clearly need a new phone, it was in my possession again and not in anyone else’s. My identity, my finances, my everything was safe. I was safe.

With shattered phone in hand my best favorite and I finally arrived at the wedding, with about 5 minutes to spare. My phone was left behind in the car as it was obviously useless to me at that point. Although strange to not have it, I was able to watch my friend get married in her beautiful backyard wedding with no camera phone to obstruct my view.

The days that followed had me freer than previous times as I had no phone to check and get distracted with. Not having that distraction provided me an opportunity to look at my own habits, routines, and priorities differently. Although I would like to say that I have maintained some of the habits formed while without a phone, life indeed does go on, appointments have to be scheduled, emails need replying, and pictures must be taken. I am, however, extremely mindful of the times I do not take full advantage of admiring the views around me especially now that I have a new phone.

I am looking for things I did not see before.

And then I will sleep.

The One with Disconnecting: The Sound of Silence

“How often do I hear silence? Between the buds in the ears when I’m out and the screens that are on when I’m in, the answer is simple: hardly ever. I miss it. It’s hard to remember what it sounds like and all the possibilities it allows . . . Maybe that’s the tyranny of the smartphones and all the little screens everywhere. They help us rob ourselves of silence.” 

Books signed by the author tend to end up on my bookshelf often by way of my mother. The most recent was Books for Living by Will Schwalbe. I started reading this book just a couple of weeks ago and decided to take it with me on a camping trip last weekend.

While sitting around the fire the first night, I somehow ended up wearing a headlamp to read aloud the chapter that was marked as next to read in Books for Living. The chapter was called 1984: Disconnecting. Each chapter in this book is the author’s insights on certain books that have impacted his life in some way. It was rather ironic and poignant to read words that so accurately reflect our world today and how connected we make ourselves. We are always watching, always posting, always checking in.

Being mindful of my connectivity is something I attempt regularly even though I do not always take the breaks I need to breathe in silence. Camping for the weekend was a welcomed and forced way to take that break to breathe in the silence and disconnect. Taking the time to disconnect is what is now going to allow me to reconnect.

Even through the moments of struggle, shouts, and strife there were many learning opportunities at campsite 26 at Weston Bend State Park. It was a perfectly timed retreat weekend and I am ready for the next camping adventure already. I am glad for the people willing to retreat with me and take time to appreciate the beauty of the outdoors.

Here’s to the sound of silence.

The One with Mad Monday

Some days just do not unfold as expected. Yesterday was one such day. Each unexpected happening left me feeling mad. Mad at someone. Mad at something. Mad at myself for feeling mad. Mad is not a feeling I usually let myself feel. I usually allow myself to feel it in other, prettier, words. Disappointed. Frustrated. Upset. But yesterday was just a Mad Monday.

Even at the end of the day, as I rested my head on my pillow to search for sleep, my Mad Monday feelings interfered with saying good night to my best favorite. Sleep eventually found me and today I am thankful for a chance to start again. Macklemore's "Glorious" has been my anthem lately and it certainly is today.

. . .

I feel glorious, glorious

Got a change to start again

I was born for this, born for this

It's who I am, how could I forget?

I made it through the darkest part of the night

And now I see the sunrise

Now I feel glorious, glorious

I feel glorious, glorious

. . .

Here's to feeling glorious and to starting each day anew.

The One with Reversed Roles

I am fortunate in that my parents did not face many medical obstacles while I was growing up. For that matter, I am fortunate that I have not faced many either. My parents were always there to take me to the doctor, bring me a cold cloth for my feverish head, feed me orange sherbet, and apply a bag of peas to stubbed toes or fingers. The roles were reversed recently when my dad went to the hospital to have surgery. I made sure to be there in the waiting room with my mom and then when Dad was out of Recovery I made sure to get us safely home during an ice storm.

Now that my dad has had time to heal, it is my mom's turn to have surgery. Again, I will make sure to be there in the waiting room only this time with my dad. My mom called me a "silly girl" when I told her that I will be there that day, but the thing is that it has always been the three of us. And now that I am needed to help out in new ways I want to make sure to show up just like they always have for me.

I am beyond grateful to my boyfriend for realizing these things and for allowing my parents and me time to still be " the three of us". That said; I am just as grateful for the times when we are "the four of us" just as we were tonight as we kick started my birthday month by listening to jazz and sipping drinks at The Phoenix.

"Well, here's what duty really means: our duty is to feel what's great and cherish what's beautiful." - Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary

Duty calls. Here's to feeling what's great and cherishing what's beautiful.

The One with Hygge

"Hygge is about these little pauses, where you actually have a cup of tea or coffee, and just sit for a minute without doing anything. And just be. And that seems to be disappearing in our culture."

. . . 

"It's celebrations, but also a day-to-day thing. Morning coffee is hyggelig. Understanding all the little special moments during the day, where you have a pause, where you relax a little."

With no prior knowledge of hygge until this morning while reading articles on NPR, last night my best favorite and I had our first weekly "quiet night"/hygge night. We intentionally put our phones down for a while, although there was still some prank texting and FaceTime moments spent with my goddaughter. We made a meal together and gave cheers to the night over dark German beer. We spent time chatting about what we love about the people we love and what is important to us. And we laughed. It is my hope that we will continue to implement these moments naturally and intentionally and have at least one night a week devoted to pause and quiet.

"Don't wait, just invite people. I think it makes people feel more loved and convivial when it's not a big plan, and nothing looks perfect. That's what life is."


The article that inspired this writing.

The One with the Dis-ease

Although I had a lovely and relaxing Thanksgiving holiday I had a nagging in my core about all the appointments upon my return to work. The busy nagging of the busy efforts that awaited while I was busy celebrating the holiday persisted and became a slight source of anxiety that I could not allow to settle, try as I might.

To kick off the holiday I met my best favorite guy at the car shop so I could drive him home after we left his Jeep to have some work done. The following days were filled with loads of traditions and love as we celebrated with friends and family. The Monday of my turn to busy work life my best favorite was still without his Jeep, so he was home from work. Begrudgingly I left for work, the busy day I had been dreading for a week. I met my first client in the community and it went really well, so I was pleased to admit I had been unreasonable in my dread.

Less begrudgingly this time, I left for my next appointment in another town. My disposition quickly changed when my car did not start. While I questioned why and how this was happening now, today, I laughed and thought, “so it goes”. Now it was Superdad to the rescue. I have an exorbitant amount of gratitude for that man today. I just wish we had found his wrench before we both drove away to continue our busy days.

Being forced to take a break on a busy day of dread made me think of how much that break really was needed, even after a few days of respite. It was a reminder to take time to breath, to meditate, and to set reason to the things I do. While I was waiting for my Dad to arrive I happened to read an article that spoke straight to my soul. The premise of the article can be found in the following quote.

“This disease of being “busy” (and let’s call it what it is, the dis-ease of being busy, when we are never at ease) is spiritually destructive to our health and wellbeing. It saps our ability to be fully present with those we love the most in our families, and keeps us from forming the kind of community that we all so desperately crave.”

Being fully aware of the thoughts in my head I made serious attempts to be fully present with those I met with for the remainder of the day. People kept encouraging me to “have a better day” after I would remark about car troubles and each time I was reminded that I already was having a better day.

The power of being aware of how and why we do things can create in us a sense of calm that can be expressed even in the presence of “busy”. I certainly identify as having the Busy Dis-ease. My prayer with this identification and knowledge is that I am able to voluntarily take the needed breaks before they are forced upon me. I also pray that even in the midst of busy I am able to understand the why and how I am busy and that that knowledge will allow me to be more present with the ones I love. I pray to be more at ease.

The Disease of Being Busy

The One with the Gratitude Stone

High Country Gems and Minerals is a fantastic little gem (see what I did there?) of a shop in Downtown Glenwood Springs, Colorado. Each trip to Glenwood Springs I make sure to stop in and I never leave empty handed. The hospitable staff always encourage taking a “gratitude stone” before leaving. There is a big cauldron type basin of stones to choose from. The idea is to put it in your pocket (or wherever) and every time you find it you are reminded of all that you have to be grateful for.

Well, today I am back to work and the real world and I just found my gratitude stone in my purse. Being home from vacation is damn difficult, but I am choosing to recognize all that I have to be grateful for.

I am grateful to have many places to call home.

I am grateful for lasting connections to people.

I am grateful for the power of choice.

I am grateful for the means with which to make vacations possible: paid time off at work, family to care for my dogs and house, and varying types of transportation.

I am grateful for quiet moments of reflection.

I am grateful for good books.

And I am grateful for my bed.

Being a big kid is tough and daunting, but I have to remind myself that if I have made it this far then I can certainly make it farther. That is made possible by being grateful for what I have and learning to appreciate the way life happens.

The following website was particularly relevant today.

https://www.unstuck.com/gratitude/

Here’s to spirits of gratitude.