The one with the Thoughtless Thought

Fortunately, going on walks has become a regular part of my routine, especially after library yoga. My thoughts tend to wonder while I walk. I think of sad things, I think of what life will be like when I’m living my dreams, I think of life outside of my body. Most often, however, my thoughts are actually quite thoughtless. Mmhmm, right- thoughtless thoughts- I said it.

My post yoga walk thought tonight was this- selfish is kind of a hard word to say. When said incorrectly is sounds a lot like shellfish. After thinking about it long enough and saying the words in my brain over and over I have come to a conclusion- they are actually the same word. And that’s my thoughtless thought.

Here’s a little something more thoughtful- I feel it extremely gratifying to have so many positive people in my life who constantly influence and encourage me.  It is a remarkable feeling to know that the people around me are capable of making me believe that my dreams have the possibility of coming true. My friends and family are pretty really cool.

Namaste. 

The one with The Pasture

What place seemed much smaller after coming back to visit again?

After repeatedly coming back to this Plinky prompt, I eventually found my answer- The Pasture, the field next to the house my grandparents inhabited when I was a kid. 

When I was a kid the patch of land next to my grandparents’ house seemed large and mysterious. I remember my grandpa picking me up and plopping me down on his tractor. We would go riding across The Pasture together. I remember those rides lasting for so long that in my memory The Pasture is miles wide. In fact, however, when driving past the old house after my grandparents had moved away and after I had aged a bit, it became clear that The Pasture was really just a small estate with no house on it. It was not an exotic field with tall grass and scary creatures; it was actually just a patch of land with overgrown weeds located between two houses. 

Although I know the true width of The Pasture, it is the depths of the memories that it procures that make me smile.

The one with one year ago today

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." - Winston Churchill

How do you measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights. In cups of coffee, in inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. Thanks RENT, I could not have said it better myself. When I think about how I have been back home for a year now I cannot help but feel weird about the length of 12 months. One year, twelve months, 365 days. All those forms of measurement equal the same amount of time, yet they all carry a different feel. In certain ways it seems like only a mere few weeks ago that I packed my bags, my car, and a moving truck and had my own personal homecoming. In other ways that April day last year seems so long ago that it is almost as if it never happened. Goes to say, a lot can happen in 12 months time. An exponential amount of growth can happen, an extreme amount of closure can reveal itself, and a whole lot of love can be felt.

This blog’s purpose is to thank those who I simply would not have made it through this year without. I know it’s not much, but it’s the best I can do- maybe thanking you in a blog isn’t the BEST I can do, but I did want it to be in writing. There are so many people I love and want to thank, but this list is for those that consistently showed their love and support.

MY PARENTS:
Words simply cannot contain my gratitude for all that you do for me, mean to me, and for all the ways that you love me. You packed my things when I could not because it made me physically ill, you advised me to listen to my own advice, you cooked for me, you cleaned for me, you welcomed me back home. You wiped my eyes and rubbed my head. You took me to the airport and cared for my animals many times so I could partake in unforgettable adventures. You respected my space and continue to cheer me on. I love you both to the moon and back…

STEPHANIE:
Thanks for sharing late night cheesecake with me while I talked through my struggles. Thanks for dreaming with me and making some of those realities. I’m glad Lizzie Jo and Briony had the chance to become friends. Without you my life would be so less adventuresome. I know you don’t think you did anything special and that you were just being a friend and doing what friends do, however, this last year would have been drastically different without your friendship. You are a wonderful woman.

BROOK & Jake:
Thank you for listening when I would call in the middle of the night just to weep- sometimes for long periods of time. Thanks for allowing me a place to sleep when I had not a clue where to call home and for such a great birthday surprise. I am also thankful for all the new words we made up this year. Making up words seems to be a thing of ours. Thanks Jake for a lot of awkward laughs and for being so great at sharing your wife with me.

JESSICA & Darryl:
Thank you for having a sixth sense about knowing when I needed an encouraging word. Thanks for having a special way of making me feel loved and reminding me to eat.

JULIE & Lee:
Your love and support have been felt with the donations for garage sales, lunch dates, questions, and laughs.

JOYCE & MIKE:
Thanks for offering me a place to sleep when my parent’s house started feeling too small, for listening and asking provoking questions that made me reach inside myself and find an answer, and for simply loving me.

EMILY & Mark:
Thank you for being honest and sharing about your own experience to help me with mine. I not only knew your love, but felt it when you offered me a visit to see you. The timing was perfect and the visit was lovely. I am ecstatic to plan another soon.

JUSTIN & KATIE:
Thank you for not only telling me I am loved, but for showing me that I am loved. I enjoy our dinner/desserts nights immensely and our chats always cheer me up, even if I am already happy.  By helping me to remember good things from the past it is easier to look forward to the things yet to come. Thanks also for letting me love on Addie when I can and for introducing me to honey whiskey.

LANA & Justin:
Thank you for returning to my life- I had not realized how dearly I missed you. Thanks for reaffirming many a decision made in the last few months, countless game nights, free admission to sporting events, and for keeping it real. A special thanks to Justin, for teaching me how to drink honey whiskey on the rocks.

AMANDA & James:
Thank you for giving me multiple opportunities to yap early into the morning and for giving opinions and advice when warranted. Thanks for accompanying me on the trip of a lifetime and for the friendship shared with Lizzie Jo. Thanks James for sharing your wife so often and for being supportive of her and her wishes.

KARA & Aaron:
Having you around during my final days in Springfield was incredibly comforting. Thanks for listening, offering a place to rest my head, and for inspiring me to make the choice to be happy. Thanks also for introducing the Wigdahl family to my life.

ROBIN & Matt:
So many thanks to the beloved Wigdahl family for being real and trekking through life’s struggles alongside me and mine. Life is meant to be shared and I am beyond blessed to be sharing it with y’all. A special place in my heart will forever hold our times together.

GEMMA & DANNY:
I am thankful for the many trips to Kansas City, Liberty, and Lawrence I have allowed myself to take over the last year. I am happy to have y’all as regulars in my life.

Narnian Roommates:
Your love and encouragement was astounding and I will always consider that something very special.

Patty:
The appointments I had with my counselor when I first came home have proven to be unfathomably beneficial. She needn’t be mentioned at the bottom of my list, but someone has to be at the end. What better way to end the list than to thank someone who was there so close to the beginning?

This list could go on, and although I wish to exclude no one, it must end somewhere. I pray to never take friendship or family for granted and wish for you all to know how glad I am to have such wonderful people to share life with- even those not specifically listed.

The one with the Heart of Life

Forget being the lucky one that Nicholas Sparks wrote about; I am lucky enough to have the circle of people in my life that I do.  The people in my life defend my silver lining and even go so far as to make surprise visits to celebrate with me.

Over the past weekend my best-friend-college-roommate drove hours upon hours, without my knowledge, just to celebrate birthdays and life with me. Mom and Dad did swell work at not letting the cat out of the bag.  I was completely frightened and feeling like a lunatic when I saw someone jumping at the window and knocking wildly.

Having just been lazing on the couch and then to be suddenly running on adrenaline, shock, and of course surprise, I foggily arose off the couch to greet my hyped up friend.  Hugs and laughter ensued. The visit was so fun. It did, however, end much too quickly.

I am constantly surprised at how often I am convinced that the Heart of Life is good. 

The one with Pitter Patter Pit

I like to hear the rain come down.

I like to hear it hit the ground.

Pitter Patter, Pitter Patter,

Pitter Patter, Pit.

(The words may be incorrect, but in my head that’s how I hear her singing them.)

My Grandma Cook may have been nuttier than a jar of extra crunchy peanut butter, but I loved her for many reasons. She was musically talented, knew how to exercise humorously, made the best mashed potatoes, loved her husband unconditionally, took care of her family, and really knew how to pull loose teeth from her grandchildren’s heads. She was devoted to the things she cared about all the way to her 81^st birthday, the day she went to her home in the Sky, and that’s definitely commendable.

Speaking of birthdays- today would have been Grandma Cook’s 89^th birthday. I spent the day remembering her and the joy I experienced caring for her. I am blessed to have shared so many moments with my grandma while she was healthy, any maybe even more blessed by the moments we spent together in the end.

Some of the most significant experiences in my life so far are the times I took Arby’s roast beef sandwiches to my grandma when we were all too worn out to cook dinner, turning on her oxygen machine, sleeping next to her at night when she was lonely for my grandpa after he died, and holding her hand as she joined him when it was her turn.

Even though I miss my grandma a lot, I can find a lot of her in my mom. She’s definitely still around; in genes and memories. Happy day, Granny Grunt. I love you and I pray to always hear the sound of your music.

Ps. Happy birthday, yesterday, to Dharma. It’s a special time for birthdays.

The one with the 25th Birthday

This year’s birthday blew last year’s out of the water.

Dad won tickets to Oscar Wilde’s “The Importance of Being Ernest” and we decided to use them last night. The play was incredible and so fun. I am really glad I chose to read the play this week before seeing the production.

I awoke earlier than planned this morning when some Springfieldian friends called to say “Happy day”. From there I moved to the couch where I snuggled with Dharma and napped on and off whilst watching Lady and the Tramp. Dharma showed great concern for Lady whenever she howled because she did not want to be alone. It was rather sweet.

Eventually, I got my lazy bottom off the couch and walked up the stairs where I saw my first glimpse of sunshine for the day. I ran a frothy bubble bath and relaxed as Celine serenaded me. By the time I finished getting ready for the day Mom was home and ready to party. After running a couple of errands we ventured to Lee’s Summit where our massage therapist awaited.

Three hours later Mom and I were greasy and relaxed. We hopped in the car and drove home where we hastily put ourselves together for dinner. In between leaving for dinner and arriving at dinner, I got a fun phone call from my precious goddaughter. She sang happy birthday to me!

After not having really eaten anything all day but cookie cake, I arrived at Tosso’s quite hungry and expecting the party to have already started, however, there were few occupied seats and no plates being tossed about. My parents, one my best friends, and I totally had a party at our porch table though, ouzo shots and all.

All in all, the best part of my birthday was hearing from everyone I love -family, friends, teachers, mentors, etc.- all in the same day and being lucky enough to spend it with some of them.

The one with the car radio

I generally have to play around with electronics for a while before they even start to have a conversation with me, however, they do eventually listen. This especially goes for the programming buttons on my car’s radio. I have been living back in the Kansas City area for 11 months now and my radio stations are still in-tune with Springfield stations. It might take a lengthy conversation with my radio to get it done, but after 11 months I should say it is nearly time. New goal- program car radio to local KC stations before 12 month mark.