Pitter Patter Pit.

The one with Micki's Tribute

2012-02-25T10:35:00.000-08:00

Handsome guy.

Cuddles.

Smart piglet.

I suppose he always loved Darbi Jean.

Grandma even loved Micki.

Micki was Grandpa's favorite. Ssh-don't tell.

Last photo of lil Mister. "Why you jump?"

What a spirited little piggie you were, Micki. I was glad you came to live with me almost three years ago. It was adventuresome from the first day when you climbed inside of the recliner. Because of you there was so much extra love and many more laughs shared. Rest easy with Obi and Pappy.

The One With Guineas, Dogs, and Queens- Oh My!

2012-02-19T09:21:00.000-08:00

A number of weeks ago while at a family gathering, the ideaof having a family night at the local drag queen establishment was discussed.Said family night was last night at Missie B’s. It was a mixture of friends andfamily, the real ‘the more the merrier’ mentality. We laughed, we drank, wesang, we tipped, and we ate a home-style Tapley breakfast afterward. Never inmy life did I dream of going out with my parents, my cousins, and my friends insuch a fashion. I foresee more Missie B’s experiences in my future!

After a long night out I happily welcomed the opportunityfor some extra sleep this morning. Before I continue on with the sage of thismorning, let me fill you in on what has been going on with my guinea pigs.

Last weekend I was in Lawrence, KS visiting some fun friendsof mine. At the end of the weekend I called my parents to check on things atthe homestead since they were kind enough to pet sit for me. It seems as thoughany time I leave for the weekend there’s a story to be told about the pigs, andlast weekend was no exception. I was told that Micki had jumped out of his cageand into Darbi’s. Seeing as this was the absolute first time this had happenednobody could decide if it was accidental or intentional. There was no doubtabout the intent when after only a few more days he had joined Darbi countlesstimes.

I finally separated their cages and thought the jumpingescapades had ended. Although, at the back of my mind I did fear that he wouldjump again, only to find the cement floor after a long fall instead of afemale’s company.

Fast forward to this morning. Dharma and I were sleeping inbed when I heard the pigs start to squeal, which they do in the mornings. Thesqueals were a little different than the “hey good morning, we are hungry”squeal so I allowed myself to wake up a little. As I came to I thought tomyself, “Micki’s squeal sounds super close, but surely it isn’t because he ison the other side of the basement…” While thinking this through I started todrift back to sleep but Dharma jumped off the bed and I heard another squeal.Still waking up I rolled over and what to my wondering eyes… There was Micki atthe side of my bed!

Dharma must have been just as shocked as I was because shewas just sniffing at him and as soon as I called her away she obeyed andallowed me to catch him. I alwayswondered what Dharma would do with a chance to free play with the pigs and Imust boast- I’m proud to report that she was as gentle as ever and refrainedfrom eating him. Micki now has a makeshift topper on his cage. It’s an oldwindow screen. Hopefully this will keep him in. I believe that all animals aresafe and sound at this point, although I do still need to research guinea pigmenopause to ensure that Darbi will not be having babies anytime soon…

The one with blackened bacon

2012-01-29T11:43:00.001-08:00

Last time I wrote I mentioned the fear of water damage. Now,I write about the fear of smoke damage.

A few nights ago Mom suggested having breakfast for dinner,my favorite. The chocolate chip pancakes were doing their thing on the griddleand the bacon was slowly frying in the pan. If you asked Mom, the bacon wasfrying at too slow a speed so it was transferred to the griddle. Within ahandful of seconds the kitchen was filling with smoke. The smoke then startedto spill into the dining room, the living room, and then the hallway.

After some shouts, the windows were opened and the fans wereswitched on. We took action soon enough so as to avoid the smoke alarmsounding. Mom and I laughed and shivered as we transferred the blackened baconto a paper towel. As mom patted the bacon to rid it of excess grease she heardit crumble. It had turned to crunch.

The smoke was still lingering in the air when Dad, theexpert bacon fryer, got home. Moral of the story, be patient and never rush theperfection that comes from frying bacon slowly in a pan.

The one with the masculine voice

2012-01-12T21:02:00.000-08:00

It began about a week and a half ago, when the drain in thebasement overflowed. And I do mean overflowed. It was right after I got homefrom my DC/NY trip and we were forced to monitor our water usage. Short showers(which is a difficult task for me), small laundry loads, letting the yellowmellow (which totally grosses me out), and remembering to turn the water offduring teeth brushing time. This became the new way of life around the Tapleyhouse until…

Tonight…

I got home from work and walked downstairs to let thedoggies outside and was overcome with the smell of sewage. I let the doggiesoutside as planned and then walked over to the drain to check it out. Itappeared as though it had, at some point during the day, overflowed some. Iconsidered this, but only made a mental note to inform Mom and Pop when theygot home.

The information came when Mom got home and we went to checkon said drain yet again. It had water sitting in it this time, so Mom used the‘sucker’ and got it out. Then, however, the drain filled up immediately again,only this time with more water than before. Now we were in for it.

At some point it seemed under control, so I came upstairsand started making dinner. Just as dinner was finishing I heard a loud shout ofprofanity from down below. The drain was flooding. We used the ‘sucker’ againand started moving all of my material possessions out of the way. We werebarely staying above water and we found out Dad was on his way home.

By the time Dad got home the water was rushing. The City ofIndependence finally came out, about an hour and a half after they were firstcalled. They took pictures of the water in the basement, which wasn’t as bad asUncle Ted’s five inches next door, and then went outside to climb down into theman hole. Perhaps they met the Ninja Turtles down there and they are actually the ones who deserve my appreciation? After some work, the water in thebasement miraculously lowered and got sucked back into the drain anddisappeared. Crisis over.

The entire time that I was down below working hard with myparents to keep the water at bay I heard something in my head. It was amasculine voice explaining what I would one day realize from the situation andhow it would impact the way that I view my parents, the world, and myself. Ibelieve the voice was that of Daniel Stern, Narrator of The Wonder Years. Iprobably should have heard a feminine voice, my voice, telling me these things.I probably should have also been referring to myself as Hilary and not Kevin,but it’s the lessons that are most important.

I realized, yet again, how blessed I am to have a familythat welcomed me home and works hard to protect me (and all my materialpossessions). I realized howimportant it is to set aside petty problems and silly differences in times ofneed. I realized how proud I am of my parents, individually and as a unit.Having been married and now living with them again, makes me see them in a muchdifferent way and watching them tonight I was impressed at how well they workedtogether towards a common goal. I also realized how I often seem to magnify myown problems and down play the problems of others. I constantly have to remind myself that “everyone hasproblems- the world is full of problems.” (Merlin from the Sword In the Stone)Along with that, I constantly have to remind myself that I have choices.

So, thanks to: Mom and Pop, the City of Independence, andDaniel Stern.

The One With Lizzie Jo In Times Square

2012-01-04T19:15:00.000-08:00

Elizabeth Josephine Quimby (Lizzie Jo) took the trip of a lifetime.She, along with her friends Briony Reeves and Julia Yale, traveled to the faraway Big Apple land known as New York to celebrate the commencement of 2012.

The trip began a little something like this-

Lizzie Jo and Julia boarded a plane in Kansas City, Missouri.Also on the flight were some friends of Lizzie Jo’s, Za and Sa. Lizzie Jo satnext to a young lad on the plane. She learned during the flight that he was aprofessional flyer due to being born in England and moving to American when hewas just two years old. Lizzie Jo referred to this young lad in her brain as‘Harry Potter’. The flight attendant, as she sped through her safety spiel,mentioned Alec Baldwin and suggested those on board power down their electronicsand temporarily end any Words with Friends games so as to not have a repeatfiasco. The flight to Chicago was dandy except for the extremely rough landing.It was the kind that silences the passengers and then evokes nervous laughterat having survived.

The gate for the connecting flight was forever away, soLizzie Jo and Julia booked it across the moving walkway at Midway Airport. Uponfinding the correct gate, Lizzie Jo opened a box of Zicam and popped a doseinto her mouth and let it dissolve on her tongue while Julia went to buybananas. The back of the Zicam box advised staying away from citrus aftertaking a dose. Lizzie Jo debated internally as well as externally as to whetheror not a banana was considered a citrus. It is not. Still in her sick-headedfog, a young Harry Potter appeared before Lizzie Jo. Turns out it was just ayoung boy in costume, but still. Harry Potter seemed to be infiltrating LizzieJo’s brain.

Glad to finally be on the plane, Lizzie Jo and Julia leanedback and listened as the flight attendant gave her shtick. This gal knew how toentertain her flyers. She clarified that by turning on the flight attendantlight they would not be turning her on. She also stated that they needed toturn their electronics to airplane mode otherwise they would go straight to thecommode. It was all laughs with this flight until the pilot came over theintercom saying there was some duct taping that the wing needed. WHAT? LizzieJo looked out her window to the wing. It appeared in tact. Oh wait; a man wasnow inside the plane duct taping an overhead bin- crisis averted.

Lizzie Jo and Julia arrived at the Baltimore WashingtonInternational Airport and ran into only a few minor mishaps in locating theirride- their friend Briony. Briony easily located the two by recognizing LizzieJo’s walk. Once Briony was located and luggage was chucked into the trunk thegirls were off to find sustenance, food. With as late as it was fast foodchicken nuggets, French fries, and ice cream would have to suffice. Over themultitude of chicken nuggets the girls yacked about books. Which ones madetheir lists for the new year, which ones impressed and which ones depressed,and which ones would be reread.

Next on the agenda was for the girls to drop their bags offat Briony’s house in Washington DC. This event led into an exchange ofChristmas gift- most of which were books. Lizzie Jo acquired some of the HarryPotter series and Briony got an Alice in Wonderland puzzle. Before the girlswent wild and tore the puzzle box open, Julia spoke up about going to visit herfriend.

Lizzie Jo, Julia, and Briony hopped in the car and venturedover to see the friend of Julia. She lived in a swanky place with hardwoodfloors and a big window with a view. White wine was poured into glasses andsipped while a Pandora station played ‘J Crew’ tunes. Accusations were madeabout Lizzie Jo, Julia, and Briony being crazy for making plans to be in NewYork City on New Year’s Eve, but alas, the girls are crazy.

The first night Julia took the bed and Lizzie Jo slept onthe air mattress. Night seemed to transition into morning all to quickly andwas first seen when canine Cheese leapt onto the air mattress and awoke LizzieJo from her treasured slumber. The girls laughed and decided to gear up and getto the bus station. Clothes were layered, boots were laced, scarves and gloveswere donned, money was hidden in intimate apparel, and bags were packed.

Once at the bus station Julia and Briony dumped Lizzie Joalong with the bags at the pick up gate and went to find drinks. Lizzie Jorequested a chi tea latte, but what she received was not in any way a chi tealatte. Thank you for nothing Au Bon Pain. Aboard the bus, Lizzie Jo sat next toa gal who seemed to be equally as sick as she was, so she felt less patheticanytime she would cough, sneeze, or blow her nose. Julia made friends with herseatmate and loved watching all the east coast scenery that buzzed by herwindow.

After the bus spit the girls out in New York City theyworked their way to Lu W’s west side apartment. A mariachi band serenaded themto the stop they needed and the apartment was just around the corner fromthere. Lu’s sister, Li, greeted them at the door and escorted them up to the 7^thfloor where they were welcomed to stay for the night. The girls took advantageof the sofa for a few minutes before layering up for the Big Celebration. Ligazed from afar and listened as the girls talked each other through thepreparations.

Lizzie Jo was the first to secure her Depend under layers ofjeans, tights, and unmentionables. She liked to use the idea of jumping on atrampoline as a metaphor for sitting with a Depend on. Being in a super bigcrowd and not having access to a bathroom was the catalyst for wearing a Depend.Julia also had a “Depend bottom”. After the pat downs were made to make sure allthings were in place, the girls took Li’s keys and excitedly descended to themain floor. They jumped on the subway after loading up on Luigi’s Pizza andbegan inching their way to Times Square.

Barricades were already in place by the time the girlsneared the area of the Big Celebration. After blocks and blocks of walking andattempting to find the best way to merge with the crowd they finally had aslight rhythm to their walk. That was so until Briony saw a crack in the crowdand broke through it. The girls linked hands and away they went. They flew inand out of a sea of people, trash, puddles, conversations, and confusion.Another group of girls, larger in numbers than theirs, joined their link andwas impressed at Briony’s skill to worm her way through the throngs of people.Intersection after intersection and barricade after barricade the girlscontinued. They were passing so many people and seemed to be making good time,but unfortunately got stopped and decided to push their way through security checkpointnumber one. From one side of the barricade to the other the crowd was forced tosingle file and belongings were searched. Lizzie Jo, Julia, and Briony passedsecurity but lost their new friends somewhere in the jumble.

Back on their own, the three girls sought out a spot thatlooked promising for seeing the celebrities and for getting a new year’s kiss,neither of which became a reality. They ended up on Broadway and 51^stStreet and had made it through another security checkpoint. For as far away asthey were and considering they could not hear anything or see anything, theyhad a memorable evening. Every hour, before the countdown signifying the new year atsome location on the globe, the girls sang a little song and took turns quotingfavorite movies and books. Lizzie Jo started this routine by giving anapproximate 30-minute synopsis, with quotes, of ‘The Goonies’. Briony went thenext hour by giving a synopsis of ‘The Lion King’. And lastly, on Julia’s turn,she gave a synopsis of “The Little Princess”.

Lizzie Jo discovered that beneaththe craze of the Big Celebration there loomed a quiet, dark, slow, andcomforting setting. So, after each synopsis, the girls planned their song forthe coming hour and Lizzie Jo found herself resting on the underside of the BigCelebration.

As time went on Lizzie Jo sat down every hour not only togive her feet a reprieve, but also to relax her aching and dehydrated body. Thecloser the tick tocks got to 2012 the more the girls could feel the lack offluid intake in their drying out bones. Lizzie Jo had already gotten great useout of wearing her Depend and had lost count of exactly how many great uses hadcome of it. Julia did not make use of hers.

The time had come to make the final countdown- the countdownfor the new year in Times Square. Phones, cameras, glow sticks, you name itwere being held up to the night sky. Sixty seconds- Lizzie Jo tried to call herparents back in Missouri to include them on the countdown but was unable to geta connection. 30 seconds- Lizzie Jo started to vocalize the count but feltnauseous so she held off. 10 seconds- Lizzie Jo was counting now.

These were the ten seconds that over one million people-strangers- had joined together to celebrate. It was an unreal ten seconds.Lizzie Jo had always watched Dick Clark and the rest of Times Square count downto the new year. It always looked so magical and mesmerizing and there she was,finally apart of the Big Celebration. 3-2-1: HAPPY NEW YEAR! Lizzie Jo threwher arms around her friends and reveled in the moment.

Almost immediately after the countdown the girls were readyto evacuate their spot and find the nearest watering hole. That hole took theform of a Cuban bar with a lot of dancing and balloons. After hydratingthemselves they took to the streets to journey back to Lu W’s apartment. Ittook endurance and strength to baby step through the crowd, to accept theclosed subway, and to toss aside a hard ‘soft’ pretzel. It was not until afight broke out and people swarmed around to watch that Lizzie Jo, Julia, andBriony were able to make a big advance in the direction they needed to go.Again, they flew in and out of a sea of people, trash, puddles, conversations,and confusion and somehow made it to an open subway station.

The subway proved to be a faithful friend by safelydepositing them at the correct stop. The three girls went to the market for icecream and sorbet before returning to the apartment. Once there, they collapsedand purchased bus tickets back to Washington DC for the following morning. Aftercarefully removing her depend, Lizzie Jo wrapped it in a plastic bag anddropped it in the trash. She was kind enough to take it out to the trash heapherself in the morning after saying the final goodbyes. Finally the time hadcome to turn out the lights on the Big Celebration. Lizzie Jo fell asleep withvisions of fireworks and confetti dancing in her head.

Acknowledgements:

I want to pay great tribute to Amanda J. Happy and StephanieD. Frazon for not only being fantastic friends, but for defending my silverlining by accompanying me on a trip that allowed me to mark something off myLife List and put order to some things that had fallen out of place. Anotherhearty thanks to Lindsay and Luke Whorton for not only hosting, but for beingexceptional in their offerings. Cheers- here’s to life. And also to welcoming2013 at home in my jammies.

“Fear is a friend who’s misunderstood, but I know the heartof life is good.” –John Mayer

The one with Springfield

2011-12-05T05:52:00.001-08:00

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away

When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll flyaway

Some bright morning when this life isover, I'll fly away

To a land on God's celestial shore, I'llfly away

When the shadows of this life have grown,I'll fly away

Like a bird from these prison walls, I'llfly away

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away

When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll flyaway

Oh how glad and happy when we meet, I'llfly away

No more cold iron shackles on my feet,I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away

When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll flyaway

Just a few more weary days and then, I'llfly away

To a land where joy will never end, I'llfly away

I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away

When I die, hallellujah by and by, I'll fly away

There are certain moments in life when I feel closest to God. Thesemoment nearly always happen when I’m singing loudly in my car, much liketonight while I was driving home from Springfield and belting “I’ll Fly Away.”I am not sure if it the fact that I am left alone with my thoughts and am moreprone to feel God’s presence in the empty space around me or the fact that Isee God’s creation racing by my windows, but in those moments I feel aconnection to someone, something, that I cannot see.

The moments I share with those I love also make me feel closest toGod. There are things in my life that I really like, but what I love most arethe people I choose to share it with. I could do without a lot that I have, butI would not, could not, do without the people I love. Laughing, lounging, sharing,and eating with the people I love reminds me that we are supposed to help carryone another’s burdens. In the times I spend sharing in life with my loves, Ifeel God’s presence.

I spent the weekend in Springfield. While there, I was reminded of whyI came to love that place. The friends and family I have there are acomfortable group of individuals. It made for a beautiful weekend excursion.

God and I had a lot of alone time this weekend- these times are fairlyfew and far between these days. After this weekend, I feel not only reconnectedto my loves in Springfield, but also to God. Thanks to all who put up with me(and put me up) this weekend.

Those not pictured: Dustin and Darryl

The one with the Certainties

2011-11-30T20:04:00.001-08:00

10 Things I Know for Certain as of 11.30.11

1. I have makeshift walls around my bed.

2. I am re-watching The Wonder Years.

3. I have choices. "The world was ours. We could do everything, or nothing. All it had to be was anything..."

4. I enjoy a healthy dose of tradition.

5. I am proud to have the family and friends that I do, and am scared for the day when I am without a certain few of them.

6. I value my pets as normal people value their kiddos.

7. I will be crossing something off my Bucket List on New Year's Eve.

8. I am stronger than I like to admit, although not physically.

9. I am certain that I have more uncertainties than certainties.

10. To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven.

Ps.
11. I like to make lists.

The One With the Thanksgiving Thankfuls

2011-11-24T19:05:00.001-08:00

Seeing as today is Thanksgiving, it seems fitting to list what I am thankful for today- and always.

Mom and pop

Guinea babies

Dharma Bear

Family, especially the near-by members

Neighbors and family friends

Traditions- Plaza Lighting Ceremony and ChristmasVacation

Sleep

The one with 7 years ago today...

2011-11-02T16:42:00.000-07:00

Oh la vache! Je te tacquine! On y va! C'est la vie!

The French were in town on a mini-exchange trip. The big city ofIndependence was theirs for the adventuring. One host sister was dating thisboy in the town next door. On Election Day 2004 while the American girls and Frenchgirls alike were sporting their "Keep American Clean, Flush BothJohns" shirts, they decided to make a surprise visit to the boy in thetown next door.  

After poking around Wal-Mart for quite some time- one of the storesthat the French came to love and frequent during their short stay- andpurchasing some trinkets (for the French and for the boy since it was hisanniversary with the host sister) they made their way toward the boy's house.  There were two carloads of girls making the visit before the Election party.The host sister and her car were second in the running. As the two carsapproached the intersection, close to the boy's house, the light turned green.The first car turned left at the green light and made it through. The secondcar yielded and when nothing appeared to be approaching, proceed through theintersection.   

Unlike the first car, the second car did not make it through. The first car later exclaimed that after they turned they heard loud screechingand other horrifying noises, so they turned back. When they turned back theysaw the second car spinning in the intersection and a large truck smashed andstopped nearby. As the car stopped spinning and halted, the host sister lookedup at her cracked windshield and thought, "Well, shit, I'm going to haveto buy a new windshield."   

As she came to her senses and realized what had just happened, shefrantically looked in the seat next to her to find the passenger leaning herhead against the window and unconscious. Afraid of the passenger's condition,the host sister began to yell... no words, just sounds. In her head she wasthinking, " I can't think of how to ask her in French if she's ok, but Iat least have to ask, so I'll just ask in English if she's ok, even though shewon't be able to understand me, I should tell her I'm sorry, I can't think ofhow to say that in French either, I'll just say that in English too, maybeshe'll hear me and somehow know or assume what I'm saying..." She nextlooked in the backseat- so much blood. She thought she had killed them both.

The girl opened her door to find that the passengers of car one werethere, at the scene of the accident. The host sister leaned toward the driverof car one and ashamedly proclaimed that she knew Madame was going kill herwhen she got the news of what had happened. The host sister was reassured andemergency calls were made. The host sister dug out her cell phone and placed acall to her dad- the phone call that all parents prays to never receive."Dad, I had an accident. 7 highway and 39th. I'm so sorry. Please comequick." Other calls were made: moms, dads, teachers, and unbeknownst tothe host sister, the boy was called.   

In what seemed like only two seconds later, the host sister saw herdad running up the road and upon approaching he embraced her in his arms. Thedriver of car one had taken on the role as protector and provided the dad andemergency teams with information and made more calls as the host sister sat ina ditch on the side of the road shacking violently and unable to speak. Shockhad set in. Helicopters were flying overhead, sirens were blaring. All thewhile the host sister wondered what was going on that would require suchemergency response, not realizing it was all because of her.   

As the feeling of years passing set in, the host sister noticed thatshe was being held. She recognized the smell and the feel of the greysweatshirt; it was the boy. The host sister looked up and saw his face, hermom's face, and many other familiar faces. A man was also sitting with her,reading, from the bloody Bible found in her backseat. She was unaware of whathe was reading and unable to listen. Next thing she knew, the host sister wasbeing helped up and guided to a car. She got into the backseat with the boy, asher parents rode in the front. She realized they were on their way to thehospital. Upon this realization she started screaming and crying, " ICAN'T DO IT! I CAN'T DO IT! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW. THIS IS IT. I CAN'TDO THIS!"  

After the car ride from Hell, they got out and walked through theEmergency Room doors. There in the waiting room sat the host sister's: bestfriend, Uncle, Pastor, and an encouraging amount of others. Her mother nextescorted the host sister to the bathroom. As the girl undressed, glass fellfrom her shirt, her pants, and her hair, from what seemed like every cell ofher body. The floor was covered in the tiny crystals of evidence of what hadhappened moments, minutes, hours ago.   

Once the host sister was examined and checked out with no injuries,she was allowed to visit the passengers of her car. Knowing that everyoneinvolved was eventually going to be back to normal, the host sister paused atthe door, took a deep breath and slowly opened it. Louise was propped up in abed, pale as a ghost with other French girls- friends- surrounding her. Due tothe language barriers between the girls and the trauma of a helicopter ride andan injury to the jaw, they simply joined hands and sobbed. The host sister wasfinally able to vocalize an, "I'm sorry," and it was accepted in earnestwith a nod. A sign that life would slowly creep back into normalcy, accompaniedby a bond so severe and so special that it would prove true love for alifetime.   

Je t'aime et a bientot!

The one with the perfect opportunity

2011-10-10T18:30:00.000-07:00

Today looked much different than it did three years ago, although the colors of the season were much the same. I tried to make it as ordinary a day as possible.

At some point today I came to the conclusion that just because I’m single does not mean that I am not capable of doing the things that I want to do. I would now like to share how I acted on this conclusion, this epiphany.

I went to a movie by myself. I, of course, loaded up my purse with snacks from home before leaving. I was able to enjoy some circus peanuts and M&M’s while watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows- Part 2. I always talked about wanting to go to a movie by myself, but for various reasons never actually did. What a perfect opportunity today was for me to do it.

For as lonely as I feel sometimes and as often as I yearn for someone to share my daily life with, I like being by myself. I like making my own plans, I like having my own timetable, and I like making my own decisions (as scary as they may be). For now, I enjoy being with myself.

Here’s to the next film I will take myself to see. Cheers!

The one Inspired by Coldplay, Glee, Midas, and Homecoming Season (and Cory)

2011-10-06T20:13:00.000-07:00

When I was much younger I used to picture Heaven as a place of gold. Streets of gold, gates of gold, thrones of gold, shoes of gold, clouds of gold. I pictured it more as a place that Midas had touched than a place of being eternally in the presence of God.

I used to think of all the things I would see in Heaven, all the lights and all the gold. I rarely thought of all the reuniting that arriving there would bring. Even with being around my Aunt and both of my Cook Grandparents as they died and listening to their jumbled speech of all those from their pasts that they were seeing again, I rarely thought about what that would look like when it was my turn. I think getting to Heaven is like a homecoming. And way better than any high school or college homecoming- although there is usually a fair amount of gold and glitter at those.

Moving back home has helped me to paint a picture of what I think getting to Heaven will look like- the homecoming. Before I moved home I felt as though my life had ended and that I was no longer living. I thought the light I was seeing was that of the Hereafter, not those leading me Home. The adjustment was extremely difficult, but the way the lights guided me and the way my beloveds embraced me and my return gave me hope. They asked my story, wanted to fix and encourage my situation, and listened in a way as to say that time was of no importance.

Although I have no way to know what Heaven actually looks like, this is what I believe getting there looks like. I believe that upon arrival to Heaven we will be greeted by the ones we used to share life with and that tears will stream down our faces. I have always heard, “No tears in Heaven”, but I’m not so sure about that.

I believe that once reunited, we will share what we were worth, what ignited our bones, what we lost and couldn’t replace, the times we loved and it went to waste, the times we got what we wanted but not what we needed, and the things we learned from our mistakes.

Lights will guide us home, whether high up above or down below.

The one with Temple and Dharma

2011-10-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

A year ago this time I was in St. Louis playing Bananagrams with these girls and meeting Temple Grandin.

I also met Dharma for the first time and happily accepted her into my world.

This is a picture of her first days with me.

Tonight she got to enjoy a nice treat from Three Dog Bakery as a way to celebrate still being with me.

I love you Dharma Orchid Gallion! You'll always be my baby bear.

The one with Lawrence

2011-09-17T20:29:00.000-07:00

I had the pleasure of visiting with the Great Alvord's of Lawrence, KS for a couple of days. It was nice to eat, play, and laugh with them for awhile and to enjoy some time away from Independence.

The most memorable part of the weekend was playing "Put it on a Cracker". Some photos:

Mmmhmm, yeah.

The one with The Help

2011-09-11T09:10:00.000-07:00

How can an evening filled with sangria, chocolate chip cookies, jewelry, family, friends, and a movie at the cinema be anything less than wonderful? It cannot.

The film viewed at the cinema was ‘The Help’. It’s about segregation and suffrage, love and hate, making a change and survival. Most of all, it seemed to me, it was about learning- learning to accept, learning to love, learning to grow. I couldn’t help but think during the film about how little I understand about others, really. I cannot understand how people are so incapable of loving, or at least showing love. I cannot understand why people cannot get along.

Maybe I am super optimistic, but I still believe that people are capable of good things. I believe that people are capable of love, genuine love. And not just genuine love, but genuine love that lasts.

Maybe it’s the white wine sangria I drank hours ago, maybe it’s the film, or maybe it’s the anniversary of September 11^th, but I am thinking a lot about being agreeable, loving enemies, and learning how to move forward and love again.

God Bless.

The one with the shelf

2011-09-09T13:28:00.000-07:00

I had the pleasure of working with a cousin of mine a few weeks ago. Together we built a bookshelf. I say bookshelf, although it houses my movies. Truth be told, my cousin did most of the work. I did, however, help with the gluing and nailing. I am waiting to paint it until I have my own place and more concrete decorating ideas. I was going to take a picture of it when I first got it home, but was too anxious and immediately filled the shelves. It was then that I realized I would have to wait to take the before/after photos. Last night Dharma woke me up to inform me that the shelf had fallen on her bed, my couch’s ottoman. The shelf remained in tact, which proves just how much love went into making sure it would survive such unforeseen instances. The movie collection, on the other hand, was strewn half way across the basement. Before I placed all the movies back on the shelves, alphabetically this time, I made sure to take a picture. There is enough wood left over to make a second shelf, so I still have that to look forward to. After I get the second shelf I can spread my collection out and not have to cram as many as I can onto the lone shelf. I love having homemade stuff, especially stuff that I helped to create!

The one with 8th Grade Gym

2011-09-07T18:39:00.000-07:00

Mallory Eryn Flippin is one of the only good things that came from 8th grade gym class. I'd say that we were both glad to have each other during that nasty class. A lifetime or two has passed since then and I'd say that we're both glad to still have each other. I'm super proud of my friend for being strong enough to move across the ocean to teach English to some super precious Japanese kiddos. I'm also proud of her heart for that nation and for her willingness to help. I got to hang out with Mally today and it was fun yet bittersweet seeing as she is to return to Japan is a mere few days. Proof of our time together today...

I'm thankful that my friend made some time for me while she was home and I wish her safe travels for her return to Japan.

The one with surviving Romania (and therapy)

2011-08-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

Before I moved back to KC, I saw a counselor twice. This was major for me. I always had this thought that people should be able to figure out their own problems and not need to lay on a couch and be analyzed. I knew that I needed help, however, and sought it in the form of a therapist. Even after I made the move back home, I continued to seek guidance.

I was skeptical of visiting with a therapist at first, but I quickly learned to trust and appreciate whom I was sharing so much with. My first therapy appointment was four months ago. I have come a mighty long way since then. At that first appointment I was trapped under a lot of weights and was so uncertain of absolutely everything. Through talking out different situations and feelings with an unbiased individual, I have been able to gain a different perspective, I have learned things about myself, I have learned new values, and I am learning that my situation is not the end but simply an unplanned stop.

My divorce is a chance to see the beauty and feel the heat of Romania. No, I’m not going to Romania. Imagine being on a bus traveling through Europe. The language is confusing and you are having trouble making sense of your surroundings. Suddenly you can no longer stand the ruckus and you get off the bus. You find yourself in Romania. There is poverty all around. It is unbelievably hot. You venture around and although you are disoriented and nauseous you eventually learn to love and appreciate your unplanned stop because it has given you a chance to see life differently. Romania is not your final destination. It is a detour. You get back on the bus and are anxious to see where your next stop will be. Whether planned or unplanned you take with you what you learned while in Romania.

Having experienced my own Romania I am now slowly walking back towards the bus. I am reluctant at times, but then I remind myself that I have choices, I have a life, and I intend to make it as pleasant as possible.

Today’s therapy session was my last, for a while anyway. I generally feel pretty great about life and am attempting to be optimistic. I continue to make choices and find happiness in them. After therapy I went to Target (I should have taken Mallory Flippin with me…). While there I found season 4 of the TV show Psych for $9.99. To celebrate life and feeling accomplished, I totally bought it up. What a deal.

Here’s to surviving Romania and forging my way through another unknown prejudice that I carried, therapy.

The one with Awakening My Soul

2011-08-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

Mumford & Sons

Awake My Soul

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
This weakness I feel I must finally show

Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
Har har, har har, har har, har har

Awake my soul
Awake my soul

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lives
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
My weakness I feel I must finally show
Har har, har har, har har, har har

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life

Awake my soul
Awake my soul
Awake my soul
For you were made to meet your maker
Awake my soul
Awake my soul
Awake my soul
For you were made to meet your maker
And you were made to meet your maker

The one with the first day of high school

2011-08-16T21:47:00.000-07:00

Plinky suggested sharing a mass transit story. In light of students going back to school, I’ll share a story about my first day of high school.

It was the first morning after summer, so of course I was tired. I trekked up the “Killer Hill” to my bus stop. Kyle Arnold and I were the first two there. While we waited for the rest of our bus stop group to arrive, a ‘short bus’ stopped at our corner. Kyle and I looked at each other and without speaking we were able to communicate that neither of was getting on that bus for any reason. A few seconds later the bus rode on without us on it.

By this time, the rest of our bus stop group had arrived and we all silently waited for the bus. The next bus that came along was normal sized and we all got on. I remember it being very full and feeling like the others already seated looked smaller than me. I had to walk all the way to the back before I could find an empty seat. I took it and rode with my backpack in my lap. From my bus stop on we went the opposite direction of the high school, but I did not think much of it at the time. I thought that maybe the bus routes were just different in high school. Over the course of the next 10 minutes we only got nearer to the middle school campus.

It was not until we were actually pulling into a parking space at Bridger, the 8^th grade center, that I believed where we were headed. I ended up back in middle school on the first day of high school. I, along with the rest of my bus stop group, had to ride in the 8^th grade principal’s car to high school. We were late, we were embarrassed, and we tried so hard to forget. It is too good of a story, however, to have forgotten.

Luckily, I got on the right bus when it was time to go home…

The one with the windows down

2011-08-10T21:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight I drove home with my car windows down. It was totally refreshing to have the cool evening breeze rushing through while I listened to a completely relatable song.

Saturn's Light- Deb Talan

Saturn's light throws a ring around the moon

and I said my prayers too soon

No one was listening

There's a hush on the street

I can feel my own heart beat

and my lonesome breathing

but my soul's little bird can still sing

I want good love

I want it so bad

It's a seed stuck in my throat

It's a weed around my hope

it makes me choke and I can only breathe outside

or in tall buildings with high ceilings and open doors

Isn't there someone out there I am here for?

It takes a will

just to make it through the night

when to wait and when to fight

and swing and missing

When we meet,

will his eyes recall me?

I look for his face

everywhere in the dark

and I carry my torch of bright stars

Because I want good love

I want it so bad

It's a seed stuck in my throat

It's a weed around my hope

it makes me choke

and I can only breathe outside

or in tall buildings with high ceilings and open doors

Isn't there someone out there I am here for?

Couples kiss across counters and tables

I smile and then look at the wall

But some people hold hands

and they don't pay attention,

like their love

is somebody else's inventions

Our heads, they hold back

But our hearts run to strangers

and they say, 'Look at me, look at me, look at me.'

I want good love

I want it so bad

It's a seed stuck in my throat

It's a weed around my hope

it makes me choke

and I can only breathe outside

or in tall buildings with high ceilings and open doors

Isn't there someone out there I am here for?

While driving and listening I thought back to a conversation I had once about the idea of living back around my family. I mentioned how I thought the idea of living close to my family seemed fun because I could see them regularly for fun, meals, outings, etc. The person I was talking to said, “Would you really see them though? I live in the same town as my family and hardly see them. It’s a nice thought, but would it actually happen…” I wholeheartedly answered that yes, it would happen. And now that I’m back my answer is definitely YES. I had cousins over Monday night and watched old home videos and tonight I had dinner with an aunt and cousin and did some ‘surprise’ birthday party planning for my mom. Home is where I belong (at least for now). Although I have the love of my family I sing, “Isn’t there someone out there I am here for?”

The one with Obadiah

2011-08-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

Three and a half years ago Obadiah became a big part of my little family. Her spunky personality was apparent from the very beginning. Her rock star hair and pretty purrs will be dearly missed. A few photos from our time together.

This was our first photo together. Darbi's there, too.

This was her first bath.

The first days...

She never did like her leash much, but I did.

In her fence. She eventually learned to climb over.

It was my favorite when she climbed on my hand like this.

It's not allowing me to post anymore pictures, but you get the point. Obi, you were a splendid fur baby.

The one with the feelin'

2011-07-31T08:31:00.000-07:00

Free Falling- Tom Petty

She's a good girl, loves her mama

Loves Jesus and America too

She's a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis

Loves horses and her boyfriend too

It's a long day livin' in Reseda

There's a freeway runnin' through the yard

And I'm a bad boy, 'cause I don't even miss her

I'm a bad boy for breakin' her heart

And I'm free, I'm free fallin'

All the vampires walkin' through the valley

Move west down Ventura Blvd

And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows

All the good girls are home with broken hearts

And I'm free, I'm free fallin'

I wanna glide down over Mulholland

I wanna write her name in the sky

I wanna free fall out into nothin'

Gonna leave this world for awhile

And I'm free, free fallin'

I had a feelin' that last night was gonna be a good, good night. And it was. A big hearty thank you to: Katie, Tracie, Amanda, Meaghan, and the 'care cab'!

The one with learning prejudices

2011-07-27T19:56:00.000-07:00

I’m beginning to recognize certain prejudices that I have but was unaware of, and I’m learning to readjust my thinking. Why? Because I am now living some of the prejudices that I put on people.

Moving back home.

Divorce.

Not getting a wanted job.

These are just a few.

I used to always have certain thoughts about people that move back home or that never left home at all. I formerly used words like bum, failure, and typical to describe my feelings of people who stay put. I used to wonder how they could be satisfied with the same thing, the same place, the same people, the same, the same, the same. Now that I am back, however, I find a certain comfort in things that are the same. I am finding comfort in reuniting with some of the same people that I used to share this little space of Missouri, home, with. I am learning that not everything is as it seems. Not everyone comes home or stays put for the same reasons and everyone has their reasons for doing what they do. I am learning to be satisfied in knowing why I do the things I do.

Before now, I had in my brain that divorce was silly, which I still think to some extent. I used to think that it was for the immature and the noncommittal. I used to think that anyone could work their problems out, which again, I still think they can. In this instance, I’m learning that it really does take two. Like so many things in life, love and commitment are choices to be made and making a marriage work takes two people choosing to do so, choosing to work on their problems. I am learning that divorce does not make me a misfit, just a statistic, a young fool, or a girl blinded by love. Divorce gives me a chance to replant a seed in my heart and see what blossoms from it.

In terms of job searching, I am learning that it still takes time and patience even with a degree and ‘limited’ experience. I am so anxious to use the degree I sought after, paid for, and received. I want to be able to have a job that I am good at, that I love, that pays my bills, and that makes sense for my life. I am anxious to make money and save money. I want to save for the things I long for…a house, and a chance to get back to my niche in France.

All in all, I am learning what it means to love others no matter their life situation. I am learning to refrain from seeing other’s experiences through my lenses of opinion and prejudice. I am learning that although my life’s course may not be ideal, it can still be perfect, because it’s mine and because I have choices. I am learning to accept others and myself.

Also, I could not be happier about the people I am choosing to surround myself with currently, although there are a few missing due to distance and other whatnots.

"Do not listen to your own weak heart, but to the conscience that nothing can bribe or silence." -A Long Fatal Love Chase, Louisa May Alcott

The one with the therapeutic list

2011-07-12T20:26:00.000-07:00

I’m learning that so many things in life come down to making choices.

Things I find therapeutic:

- Rainstorms. Not thunder storms necessarily, but rainstorms, yes.

- Bursts of profanity.

- Eating with old friends.

- Visiting with family.

- Playing/cuddling with the pup.

- Organizing/cleaning.

- Actually finishing a book.

- Singing loudly in the car.

- Naps.

- Painting my nails.

- Baking cookies and other goodies.

- Yoga. I really should work that back into my schedule… I need to be able to reach my toes by the end of summer.

- Sleeping in or going to the cheap movie on Sunday mornings.

“Listening for voices, but it's the choices that make us who we are.” –Anberlin, Unwinding Cable Car

The one with choosing to be happy

2011-07-03T22:11:00.000-07:00

Tonight was spent much the same as it was 11 years ago. 11 years ago tonight I was sitting in the front yard with my parents, watching the fireworks, playing with the dogs, and reflecting on how much my grandpa’s death earlier that day would begin to affect our lives. Tonight, I sat in the front yard with my parents, watched the fireworks, played with different dogs (they had a picnic), and reflected on past men in my life.

It’s interesting how different situations can affect people in such similar ways. Death and divorce both leave a sense of loneliness and loss. I have always thought that happiness was a choice, but it was not until the last few weeks that I have really started to believe it. I see destruction, death, loneliness, fear, sadness, anxiety, and stress all around me. I have felt such an array of emotions in the last three months and am starting to realize that although I often feel alone, I am not. I find ways to choose to be happy. I am also starting to recognize that even some of the happiest people I know deal with destruction, death, loneliness, fear, sadness, anxiety, and stress. There is always a choice to be happy.

Even though I have moments that I choose to be sad and trudge through grief and moments I choose to be livid and work through more grief I am starting to find myself choosing to make and enjoy happy times more and more often.

Today, before the firework viewing in the front yard, my dad and I went to the New Theater Restaurant. The show was ‘Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat’. The lunch was as to be expected, yummy. I ate ocean perch, mashed potatoes, rolls, green beans, and chicken. I also enjoyed a fancy rum and coke and crème brulee for dessert. The unfortunate thing about the rum and coke was that I was up late the night before with my friend Amanda, so I was unusually sleepy after the rum set in.

Who doesn’t love the movie ‘Sister Act’? I know that, as ridiculous as it may be, Amanda and I like to watch it and did so last night. We also love to chat early into the morning and talk of all the books we want to read together, the meanings we’ve found so far in life, and of all the silly things we remember from high school.

Yesterday, before the movie watching, I met up with my friend Kara. We caught up on what has been happing in Springfield, what has been happening in Independence, and what might be happening in the future. Talking with her was the catalyst for my being aware of happiness being a choice and for that I choose to happy.

Friday my mom and I spent the day at Powell Gardens and ate lunch at the Thyme Cafe. It was hot. It was sticky. We sweat. We walked, a lot. We broke down and we rode the trolley. The gardens were beautiful and I remembered how much I enjoyed working at the gardens a few summer’s ago. It’s a peaceful place and it was nice to share it with my mom.

In choosing to be happy, I see a happy face in the above photo: flower on top right

I am so happy to have such an assortment of people around to share life with. I am remembering how fun it is to go out, stay up late, and have good friends and family around. I had a good weekend and am excited to extent it through tomorrow and spend time on the water with my cousin Justin, his wife Katie, and the ever adorable Adeline.

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)

There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)

And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die

A time to plant, a time to reap

A time to kill, a time to heal

A time to laugh, a time to weep

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)

There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)

And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down

A time to dance, a time to mourn

A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)

There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)

And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time of love, a time of hate

A time of war, a time of peace

A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)

There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)

And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose

A time to rend, a time to sew

A time for love, a time for hate

A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

- The Byrds, or as listened to today, Dolly Parton

The one with the rant

2011-06-29T20:15:00.000-07:00

"I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?"

This pretty much sums it up. Be the first to name the movie and I'll save you a seat next to me when I watch it on Thanksgiving.

The one with Regret

2011-06-21T20:51:00.000-07:00

“To regret one's own experiences is to arrest one's own development. To deny one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's life. It is no less than a denial of the soul.” (Oscar Wilde)

Up until now, I’ve always said that I have no regrets in life. I always said that my experiences were what shaped me into who I am. Although I still believe that, I have known my first real feelings of regret. I have asked myself countless ‘what if’ questions and wondered how things could have been different, better. After considering the ‘what if’ questions, they seemed to me, as regret. I regret the way things happened thus needing to ask a ‘what if’. Depending on the context I suppose the regret, the ‘what ifs’, can either be a time for change in perspective, a time for learning and growth, a time of stagnation, or a time of cynicism.

“What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.” (Oscar Wilde)

I’m not saying that I’ve become a cynic; I’m only trying to gain some perspective.

“A man is not old until his regrets take the place of his dreams.” (Proverb)

Although I often feel old, I am attempting to not actually become old. At least not yet. I am trying hard to keep my dreams in tact while I try this whole different perspective thing. I am scared of my regrets replacing the things I long for, the things I hope for. I have an entire lifetime before me and I want to live it.

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” (Oscar Wilde)

In living and not merely existing, I am aware that ‘the truth is rarely pure and never simple.’ (Oscar Wilde) Truth, whatever that may actually be, is a whole other boat to possibly sail later. For now, I will choose to believe that ‘we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.’ (Oscar Wilde) I love stargazing, so I think that’s a good sign.

Ps. I really adore Oscar Wilde.

The one with Del Mar, Day 3

2011-06-12T20:16:00.000-07:00

Today’s morning ritual was different. There was no clashing or clanging and there was an alarm clock. I had to make sure I was up in time and prepared, both mentally and physically, for a walk. Before putting on my new purple Puma tennis shoes, Emily performed a little procedure on me. She popped a blister for me. It oozed and a band-aid promptly covered it up. Mark, Emily, and I all ate fruit and applied sunscreen (although apparently I didn’t apply near enough) before venturing out into the world.

We walked from the house, down along the beach, up through Torrey Pine, down through Torrey Pine along the beach, and back to the house. It was a long 6.5-mile walk. I was super proud of myself. I am not generally one for exercise and actually made it on our “hike”. I don’t think I even really slowed Mark and Emily down until the end of the journey. I kept up more than I anticipated I would.

When the walk was finished I collapsed as soon as I walked in the front door. Upon inspection of my feet, there was no blood and only one new blister. I traded out my Pumas for a pair of flip-flops and went along for the next adventure. We went to spend some time with Mark and Emily’s friends and their kids at their cute house. One of the boys lost a tooth and the other got a time out. I ate a lot of M&Ms and even got some on my shirt, old school Emily style.

It was time for a trip to the grocery store, but yours truly opted out and went back to the house to nap some before the private yoga lesson. I completely conked out and didn’t rise again until the doorbell rang. It was Mark and Emily with all of their goodies from the grocery store. Now that I was up, I decided to play with Larry and Remy until the yoga instructor showed up. Just as I mentioned yesterday, I love how well Remy fetches. Larry was running around and being cute and playful too.

Finally the yoga instructor showed up. I had been warned that he has long hair and is somewhat of a hippie. I was, however, not ready to see a Hanson brother ready for yoga. He was a nice, young (I can say that even if he is only a year younger than me), and encouraging instructor. He gave praise when our postures looked good and encouraged and modeled when our postures and positions needed improvement. He seemed impressed with my flexibility when he learned that I’m a complete newbie to the whole yoga thing. I had to duck out of the session early to shower and pack in order to get to the airport on time, but first he showed me a more intense stretch. It involved facing a wall, putting my body up against it, spreading my arms out as if I were flying, turning my hips out from the wall, and facing one arm out perpendicular from the wall. I did that for both sides of my body and then another variation to the same stretch while Emily did the same on her mat. From the praise I got, I must have done fairly decent. I was nervous at first about having a private lesson and doing things incorrectly, but after awhile I became comfortable and actually enjoyed having the one on one and the chance to get to bend and stretch in the proper way. My new goal is to touch my toes when I stretch.

Shortly after showering and packing up, I was at the airport eating a really nasty little cheese pizza and waiting to board the plane. It wasn’t a long wait, although I did almost fall sleep. On the plane I sat in between a man (originally from KC, now living in San Diego, on his way to Topeka) and a woman (from KC, visiting San Diego). The conversations were light, fun, and informative. I like it when you are able to enjoy the company of strangers on a plane.

I have now arrived back home to KC 25 minutes early and am waiting for my ride. While I’ve been waiting I have had time to check out my massive, and kind of painful, farmers tan from the walk this morning. Aloe bed here I come…

The one with Del Mar, Day 2

2011-06-11T23:07:00.000-07:00

The morning started off much the same as day one. There was a lot of banging and crashing. I found a note on the counter that Emily and Mark had gone on a walk and were out to breakfast. They were nice enough to bring me back a tasty muffin. I ate my muffin outside where the banging and crashing was not quite as deafening.

When there was no more muffin to consume and Emily loaned me a pair of shoes, she and I were off to La Jolla. She had an appointment to attend and I had plans for a walk to the water. I moseyed around a few shops (books, antiques, house wares, and souvenirs) on my way to the water. As I got closer and closer to the water I saw more and more people playing volleyball or playing catch. There was a lot of activity. Once I finally got to the water I snapped a few pictures, took some deep cleansing breaths, checked the time, and decided to head back up and meet Emily.

It was not long into the walk back that my feet started to ache a little. The shoes I had borrowed from Emily were slipping off and rubbing in a strange way. I struggled with them walking on the sidewalk, crossing the street, and standing still. Finally I had made it back to our meeting spot. I sat down, took my shoes off, and peeked at my feet. Yep, blisters. Big ones. One had popped already and was bleeding. The other was just big and painful. I felt like such a baby; I don’t know the last time I had to deal with blisters. I told Emily about the blisters and then we went home. We went home to get a change of shoes and to get Mark for lunch.

We ate lunch at a place called Naked Café and after we walked around some and bickered about not having a camera. We decided to poke around a few more shops and then it was to the Aquarium. My favorite thing at the Aquarium was the leafy and weedy sea dragons and I can almost guarantee that Emily’s favorite was the birthing video of the sea horses. We watched it a few times and then made Mark watch, too.

Next, we came back home to relax for a short time before beginning our evening fun. Mark used another cleaning agent on the dogs, the floors, the carpets, and well, everything. Emily went for a walk and I sat down to read a book outside but got distracted and played with the dogs instead. I am impressed at how well Remy fetches.

Our evening fun consisted of eating out and going to a Jewish played called ‘My Name is Asher Lev’. It was kind of long, but relatively good. There were a lot of words and expressions that I did not understand, but I was ok with it because when we got back home we got to eat some desserts. Emily had a cookie that tasted like a donut and I had a lemon cookie. Mark had us try some other goodies that I don’t remember the name of, but one had poppy seeds, one had prunes, and one had chocolate chips. I think my favorite of those was the poppy seed.

There were no big mishaps before bed tonight, only a short debate of whether or not Asher Lev was a real person. I am not sure that a decision was ever made. And now it’s dark, quiet, and time to sleep.

The one with Del Mar, Day 1

2011-06-11T00:34:00.000-07:00

I woke up to drilling, hammering, shattering, and cursing. At least I was prepared. It was a fun way to start the morning; listening to grown men talk like high school hooligans.

I eventually decided to get out of bed. I showered, ate a hearty breakfast of shredded wheat, and headed out towards the beach. Luckily, Mark drew up a little map for me, so I had no problems making the short walk there. It was beautiful; just like I knew it would be. I will never grow old of the beauty of the sea, the sand, the smell, the waves, the shells, the sounds, the peace. I walked around for a bit taking it all in: watching people and imagining their stories, taking pictures, readings, and contemplating. I could have sat on my bench all day reading and watching, but I grew chilly and my toes were starting to itch from the sand.

Walking home was a bit more wearisome. Between the sand in my shoes, the hills, and the hunger ache in my belly the walk seemed to take forever. I totally did not mind because I was away from home, taking my first real adventure by myself, and the scenery was outrageous.

Upon returning back to the house, I heated my leftovers from the previous night, walnut and butternut squash ravioli. I would say I ate in peace, however, the drilling, hammering, shattering, and cursing was still going on. So instead, I played a game with myself and tried to hear my own thoughts. I’m not sure if I won or not.

After lunch, I was completely full and worn out, so I lay down. I watched Scrubs for a bit and somehow managed to fall asleep. I napped for a relatively long while despite all the commotion around me. When I woke up, Mark was back so we chatted and waited for Emily to come home.

Today is Larry dog’s 7^th birthday, so we had to keep the tradition going and take him to the pet bakery for some treats. He gobbled down a ‘hamburger’ and a beef flavored cupcake. He also ate his dinner when we got back to the house. Since the dogs had eaten, we decided that it was our turn.

We had Thai food that was, of course, super delicious. During dinner we shared an array of humorous family memories: silly Thanksgivings, Christmas plays, camping fiascos, and other fun adventures. After dinner it was decided that we next needed frozen yogurt. So, off we went. The place we went actually had whoppers for my frozen yogurt and I was beside myself. Just at dinner we were talking about a frozen yogurt place in Blue Springs that we used to frequent; I always got whoppers in my ice cream there and have yet since found a place with whoppers. Needless to say, I got whoppers (and kit kat, too).

There were no good movie times left at the theater, so we came back to the house. We took a few pictures before putting our jammies on. We chose a movie to watch, I feel asleep as always, and at some point we all decided it was time for bed. When the dogs came inside to go to their beds we all realized that it STANK.

Turns out Remy had been skunk’d. He reeked and was foaming and drooling like crazy. Mark ran around the backyard with a flashlight looking for clues while Emily got the skunk kit. While looking for the skunk kit she saw a mouse run across the garage (thank you, remodel). Apparently skunks have been spotted in the neighborhood before and that’s why there was a skunk kit in place. We ended up bating both dogs in a cleaning solution and plan to call the vet in the morning just to make sure that there are no other steps necessary to eradicate the skunk from the boys.

After showering off, myself, I believe that now everyone is in bed. Here’s hoping that tomorrow brings more adventures, just maybe not as stressful ones.

The one with Love & Chaos

2011-06-08T21:36:00.000-07:00

I have had a couple of songs on my mind today:

God Only Knows

I may not always love you

But long as there are stars above you

You never need to doubt it

I'll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me

Though life would still go on believe me

The world could show nothing to me

So what good would living do me

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me

Well life would still go on believe me

The world could show nothing to me

So what good would living do me

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows

The other song,

Love is All Around

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes.

Well love is all around me, and so the feeling grows.

It´s written on the wind, it´s everywhere I go.

So if you really love me, come on and let it show.

You know I love you, I always will.

My mind's made up by the way that I feel,

there´s no beginning, there´ll be no end

cause on my love you can depend.

I see your face before me as I lay on my bed

I kinda get to thinking, of all the things you said.

You gave your promise to me, and I gave mine to you.

I need someone beside me in everything I do.

You know I love you...

It´s written on the wind...

come on and let it show

I have been thinking a lot about love lately (and apparently Love Actually, too). Although there are a number of whirlwinds happening around me, I have been seeing and feeling love like never before. Actually, I feel as though this love has always been around me, but I am more aware of its presence. I feel loved when a friend takes me out to a movie and sits with me until 2 a.m. attempting to help me sort through my life. I feel loved when I help bake cookies for my uncle's lunches and when I am asked to go with friends to Royals games. I feel loved when a cousin flies me out to visit her or when another cousin invites me to have dinner with his family. I feel loved when a friend asks me to stay the night and drink a margarita with me. I feel loved when friends want to dream about going on faraway adventures with me and even when agreeing to a visit regardless of allergy issues. I feel loved when my pup chooses to sleep with me at night and when she bites my feet when I get home. I feel loved when a former teacher wants to grab lunch and catch up. I feel loved when my god-brother wants me to watch a movie with him. I feel loved when people entrust me with their errands. I feel loved when I have Skype dates and when I get notes in the mailbox. I feel loved when my mom and I spend the day together and chat late into the night. I feel loved when my dad agrees to help me and take me to the airport. I feel loved when I look at the bookshelf and see my favorite books from childhood still there.

When I am aware of how much love there is all around, even in the mundane, I have hope for the future. Hope for my own personal future, hope for the future of those I care about, and hope for humanity.

“Just because everything goes wrong doesn’t mean it has to be a bad day. Enjoy the chaos.”

Enjoy the chaos and love the mundane.

The One With a Tree Grows in Brooklyn

2011-06-01T10:28:00.000-07:00

"It is necessary that she believe. She must start out believing in things not of this world. Then when the world becomes too ugly for living in, the child can reach back and live in her imagination... only by having these things in my mind can I live beyond what I have to live for."

"It's a beautiful religion and I wish I understood it more. No. I don't want to understand it at all. It's beautiful because it's always a mystery, like God Himself is a mystery. Sometimes I say I don't believe in God. But I only say that when I'm mad at Him... Because I do! I do!"

"Dear God, let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry... have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere- be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is ever lost."

"People always think that happiness is a faraway thing, something complicated and hard to get. Yet, what little things can make it up; a place of shelter when it rains - a cup of strong hot coffee when you're blue; for a man, a cigarette for contentment; a book to read when you're alone- just to be with someone you love. Those things make happiness."

"The last time of anything has the poignancy of death itself... Oh, the last time how clearly you see everything; as though a magnifying light had been turned on. And you grieve because you hadn't held it tighter when you had it every day."

"To look at everything always as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. Thus is your time on earth filled with glory."

I finally finished the book A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I was reading it with my dear friend Stiggy Frazon. Per usual, I finished it much later than anticipated. It is, however, one of the largest books that I have ever mastered and for that, I am proud of myself. The above quotes are a few of my favorites from the book. Some of them I am even trying out as new life mottos.

I finished the book yesterday when I got to Warrensburg. I was helping some of my other dear friends (Brook and Jake Coughran) pack and load a moving van that they would take with them back to Illinois. It was a long day of hauling belongings up and downs stairs in the sun, but I would not have wanted to miss it. It was nice, although sad too, to spend some moments with these people before they left. It has been 6 years that we have lived close and realized all too late that we did not take advantage of that fact like we could/should have. A lot has happened in those 6 six years and out of those years an amazing friendship has been maintained. I have no doubt that it will continue on that way even with the larger distance now between us.

A change has occurred in my life recently. People I used to be distanced from by miles are now closer and those I was located near are now not as close. Life has an interesting way of playing out sometimes...

The one with the ego

2011-05-22T21:49:00.000-07:00

I've been watching a lot of Scrubs lately. I particularly enjoy J.D.'s narrations...

"Ego effects everything. Without a healthy dose of it, you can't trust yourself to do what you really want. Of course, with too much ego you can end up losing something you wish you still had. But with the right amount, nothing can get in your way."

I also enjoy Oscar Wilde’s words in The Portrait of Dorian Gray…

“Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If the cave-man had known how to laugh, History would have been different." - Chapter 3

My point? Laugh. Laugh so hard it makes you cry. Laugh so hard it makes you cough. Laugh so hard it makes your abs hurt so you can skip out on the next yoga class. Take the time to laugh. That’s my plan for the next few days while I’m on the road with my Little Baby Bald Eagle.

The One With Smart Cookie Yoga

2011-05-17T09:32:00.000-07:00

This morning's words from yoga were, "If you want to be a smart cookie, you cannot have a crummy attitude." Maybe I'll bake some cookies today. After a nap of course... Namaste.

The One with Clementines and Goo Goo Dolls

2011-05-15T20:50:00.000-07:00

I always think of my friend Katie Knight when I listen to the Goo Goo Dolls or when I eat Clementines. This time it's because of the Goo Goo Dolls. Love them and love her.

Name- Goo Goo Dolls
And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
Cuz all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Got lost or thrown away

And now we're grown up orphans
And never knew their names
We don't belong to no one
That's a shame
But you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell 'em your name

And scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?
Did you get to be a star?
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are

We grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell 'em your name
I won't tell em' your name
Oooh, oooh, oooh
I won't tell em' your name
Ow!

I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are
Come back down
And I won't tell 'em your name

The one with 'Great Misfortune'

2011-05-11T08:38:00.002-07:00

Parable: ‘Great Misfortune’

There was once an old man named Benoni who had known great misfortune through life, having lost his wife and children to poverty, disease, and war. The many lines on his face betrayed his pain, and his heart was filled with sorrow and regret. Indeed he barely had the strength to carry on.

But there was one who had drawn alongside him in his sorrow. His comforter was the village blacksmith, a strong but caring man who exhibited a gentle, humble, and charitable way of life. People knew very little about this blacksmith, as he was a quiet man who had moved into the town only a few years before. Yet he was well liked by the community and would often be found sitting on the porch of his workshop, enjoying the midday sun and passing the time by engaging strangers in conversation. His face was strong and full of character, betraying both a depth of spirit and a breadth of experience. But it was also a kindly face that was set alight by his compassionate smile.

When Benoni lost his first child, the blacksmith called round to his home, put his hand on Benoni’s shoulder and with greate affection said, “I am so sorry that yo uhave suffered this grave misfortune. If you will allow me, I would like to stand with you at this time of hardship.”

Ever since this first encounter the blacksmith had called round to Benoni’s house most evenings, sometimes to sit and chat, sometimes to listen, and sometimes simply to leave food and other provisions. As each new calamity befell Benoni, the blacksmith would be there to speak and cry with.

One day when Benoni was particularly depressed he went to visit a pastor who lived in the heart of the city, so as to talk through what had taken place over the traumatic years and try to make sense of it. The pastor listened to what Benoni had to say and then, after a little thought, replied, “Well my son, in order for great fortune to take place one must first suffer great misfortune. The suffering you have faced is the price that has had to be extracted for strength of character, and a spirit forged in the fires of hell.”

So Benoni returned to his home alone, lit a fire in an attempt to take away the evening’s chill, and contemplated the words of the minister. Perhaps he is right, thought Benoni, maybe I should take some comfort from these words. But it is cold, I am alone, and words can offer no shoulder to rest on.

Just then the blacksmith knocked on the door and Benoni, as always, welcomed him in. As they sat together they drank whiskey and talked long into the night. That evening Benoni shared the words of the pastor with his friend, adding. “Perhaps now that I have been given these words to comfort me, you no longer need to visit as you have done this last year.”

The blacksmith simply looked at the floor for a few moments and then replied, “My dear friend, if what the elder has said is true then I am needed all the more, for if you had to suffer such great misfortune in order to find strength of character and wealth of spirit, then this is in itself a great misfortune.”

And so they sat late into the night bringing comfort and warmth to each other through the sharing of their lives.

-Peter Rollins, The Orthodox Heretic

The one with Leo DiCaprio

2011-05-09T20:53:00.000-07:00

My Heart Will Go On- Celine Dion

Every night in my dreams

I see you, I feel you

That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance

And spaces between us

You have come to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time

And last for a lifetime

And never let go till we're gone

Love was when I loved you

One true time I hold to

In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

You're here, there's nothing I fear

And I know that my heart will go on

We'll stay forever this way

You are safe in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

So, I watched Titanic with my mom and dad tonight. We had planned to watch it yesterday for Mother's Day, but life and friends were a pleasant interruption to the day, and we watched it today instead. I will forever love that movie, and Leo DiCaprio.

The one with pico de gallo

2011-05-05T21:42:00.000-07:00

It was Cinco de Mayo, and I was down on the bayou

With my good friend Venus de Milo,

We were watchin' Hawaii Five-O

She wanted some French fry-o's, or maybe apple pie-o

And I said why, oh, why-o? We got pico de gallo!

- Trout Fishing in America

Hope everyone enjoyed their 99 cent margaritas; I know I did!

The one with Theresa and Toby's Wedding Reception

2011-05-01T15:10:00.000-07:00

Last night was Theresa and Toby's wedding reception. It was good to be with such a fun group of family for a few hours. Between multiple spilled beers, drunken dances, slurred gratitudes, and cake it was possible to laugh until my eyes watered and my sides ached. After the wedding and before bed, Dad watched Love Actually for the first time. That movie is lovely and always reminds me of when my love for Joni Mitchell began...

Rows and flows of angel hair

And ice cream castles in the air

And feather canyons everywhere

I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun

They rain and snow on everyone

So many things I would have done

But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down, and still somehow

It's cloud illusions I recall

I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels

The dizzy dancing way you feel

As ev'ry fairy tale comes real

I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show

You leave 'em laughing when you go

And if you care, don't let them know

Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now

From give and take, and still somehow

It's love's illusions I recall

I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud

To say "I love you" right out loud

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds

I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange

They shake their heads, they say I've changed

Well something's lost, but something's gained

In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It's life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all

I've looked at life from both sides now

From up and down, and still somehow

It's life's illusions I recall

I really don't know life at all

Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell

The one with the dreaming

2011-04-19T13:28:00.000-07:00

Imagine- John Lennon

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

So, I thoroughly enjoy to imagine. What I'll do next, where I'll live, where I'll visit, who I'll meet. Even if nothing that I imagine ever comes to pass I enjoy the dreaming. I have a hard time making decisions and when I dream I don't have to because it isn't real. Dreaming makes me feel safe. I wonder what my next dream will be...

The one with the Elton John Concert

2011-04-17T14:38:00.000-07:00

Dad I went to see an incredible show by Sir Elton John...

Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word

The one with the childhood lesson

2011-03-27T14:56:00.001-07:00

I had these 3 friends: Herminia, Miriam, and Angie. These girls are sisters and they lived in the house on the corner. One sunny day I was allowed to join in on their fun in their backyard. We played on the swing set, we ran around, we had fun. I knew it was time to go home when my dad appeared at the gate in the fence.

“Hilary, tell Bea [their mom] thank you for having you over to play.”

From me, silence.

“Hilary, it’s time to go home. Say thanks.”

In my young little brain I thought, “I’m not ready to go home, so I’m not going to say anything.” Instead, I ran out of the backyard, through a few front yards, and to the walkway in front of our house. I knew my dad was running after me, so I turned around, stuck my tongue out, put my hands on my hips, and did a little na-na-na. I continued my run to the front door, to my rescue. It was locked. I had to wait, defeated, for my dad to catch up to me and unlock the door.

I got a spanking that day. The only one I remember getting from my dad. Lesson learned: Do as Daddy says.

The one with all the nut clusters

2011-03-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

Locked In

By Ingemar Gustafson

All my life I lived in a coconut.  

It was cramped and dark.

 Especially in the morning when I had to shave.

 But what pained me most was that I had no way

 to get into touch with the outside world. 

If no one out there happened to find the coconut,

 If no one cracked it, then I was doomed

 to live all my life in the nut, and maybe even die there.  

I died in the coconut. 

A couple of years later they found the coconut,

 cracked it, and found me shrunk and crumpled inside.  

“What an accident!”  

“If only we had found it earlier...” 

“Then maybe we could have saved him.” 

“Maybe there are more of them locked in like that.” 

“Whom we might be able to save,”

 they said, and started knocking to pieces every coconut  within reach.  

No use! Meaningless!

A waste of time!  

A person who chooses to live in a coconut!  

Such a nut is one in a million!  

But I have a brother-in-law who  lives in an  acorn.

32 ounces peanuts, 3 pounds almond bark, german chocolate bar, semisweet chocolate chips. That’s what I put into making peanut clusters. Thank you crockpot for melting all those ingredients and thanks mom for helping me scoop all those clusters onto all those cookie sheets.

I made a trip home this weekend. I started it off with visiting my cousin, his wife, and their sweet little daughter. I wish I could have more moments spent with this cluster of folks. They remind me of where I used to be and keep me grounded as I dream of where I will be one day.

I also saw a few dear friends that I see all too often. During the visits with these darling people I listened to stories of hardships, dramas, surgeries, and even a few successes. So often this weekend I was reminded of my past, my religious past. At one time in my life I would have consoled by promising prayer or offering biblical words of wisdom. Anymore, I find it difficult. My heavy heart wants to promise and offer these things, but my weary spirit still questions.

I have encountered so many doubts and concerns, have heard so many theories and beliefs, have listened to so many debates and arguments that it is hard for me to know exactly what I believe. But through all the questioning, this weekend taught me to believe something that I have always heard. All you need is love.

Whether love is making nut clusters with my mom at 9 o’clock at night, visiting my grandma in the nursing home (and taking her some nut clusters), listening to the troubles of my friends, buying a raincoat for my dad, finding old treasures in the basement, taking my dog for a walk, taking pictures of my goddaughters, catching up on tv shows with my husband, or reading a good book… All I need is love, clusters of love.

The one with hoping for France

2011-02-17T18:05:00.000-08:00

The farthest I've ever traveled from home?

Oh, France, definitely. My 18th birthday season was spent falling in love with French pastries, French beaches, French castles, French parties, French dialogue, French...

From the day after I arrived back home to America, I needed a day to recover from jet-lag first, I have been dreaming of returning to the country that stole my heart. My dream of simply returning grew into returning at Christmas and spending the holiday with my host family. My dream kept growing and emerged on my bucket list.

I believe the time is coming for me to be able to cross something off of that bucket list of mine. That time may come in December. Here's to hoping for that chance...

The one with the new blog

2011-02-15T20:26:00.000-08:00

I guess I finally feel as though I have moved on so far away from Xanga and am finally feeling comfortable enough in my own skin again that I would like to start sharing more than just the occasional ‘status update.’

Here’s to my cyber-life post-Xanga:

Things in my world have been a little crazy and overwhelming the last few weeks, work especially. I had a crazy short work-day today. In the few short hours I worked, I was reminded of why I like my job. First, I talked with a family that I worked with a while back and they mentioned how in my time with them I had become “such a fixture” in their house. They missed me. And, I missed them. I think a visit is in the near future. Second, tonight at an appointment, the grandparents were there to observe. Typically grandparents are the least receptive and are the hardest to get on board with our technique. When I saw them climb out of their truck my mind starting assuming the worst. By the time I was leaving, however, grandma was commenting on how wonderfully I do my job, how impressed she was, and how grateful she was to have been able to meet me. WHAT? Tonight, I love grandparents . . . although she did confess that she likes to blame all the cats as the reason that her grandson has autism. Overall, I'm hoping for a good work-week.

Friends have become a large and regular piece of my life again. As often as I dislike (certain) routines, I love having weekly chats with my long distance best friend. I love reading books together even though she always finishes them before I do. I suppose I shouldn’t say always; I did finish Breakfast at Tiffany’s before she did. I love being able to call my co-workers friends. Along with that, I love that we help each other, laugh together, and share life as often as we can with as busy as our work makes us. I love that my college roommate and I can always pick up where we left off and that we have opportunities to visit each other and do silly things. (This weekend will bring said silly things and I cannot wait.) I love that I have friends around the world and that when I mention coming to visit them, vacation days are already being requested. Family has been a little bit of a struggle. But a good struggle. I miss the Cook family. I hate that I am too far away to grab lunch with my mom at the drop of a hat, or to plan to see Elton John’s new movie with my dad when it comes out, or to spend more time getting to know my goddaughter. Not to say that I wish to live in the same town, only that, sometimes, I wish that I lived closer to my family OR that I had more opportunities to visit home and be with them. The family that I have with me here, though, is fantastic. Matt has an aunt that cooks for us, takes us to see movies, gets us tickets to see Beauty & the Beast, and comes to our silly parties. My sister- and brother-in-law are super people and I love eating with them, watching movies with them, and occasionally playing Rock Band with them. I love that Matt has a set of grandparents to visit. I like to watch them when we visit. I don’t watch to be creepy but to witness their wisdom, their love, and their hardships. There is definitely something to be said about a marriage that lasts as long as theirs especially since they continue to admire and support each other. On another note, although I miss my goddaughter at home, I do love being Aunt Jo to little Ms. Abigail. I love the community of Narnia and all it entails—Matt, Dharma, Obi, Darbi, Micki, Clutterman, Uncle Cub, Uncle Candy.

I have a lot of be proud of in my life and a lot to be happy about. I am trying hard to remind myself of this and to believe it even when everything seems shitty.

Somehow this turned out to resemble something of a Valentine’s post, despite my nauseating feelings for February 14.

Music of the Day: Dave Bazan; Mumford & Sons